Do It Anyway

I was reminded of these beautiful words of wisdom over the weekend....was thinking it would be a great thing to share for people to start their week. Mother Teresa hung a copy of this poem on the wall of the orphanage she founded in Calcutta.

Do It Anyway


People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.



In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
...... It was never between you and them anyway.

Have a blessed week my friends~
*~Michelle~*

Holding a Grudge is Like Drinking the Poison and Expecting the Other Guy to Die

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~Lewis B. Smedes

Happy belated new year, my friends......I hope your Christmas Season was overflowing with blessings.......

As you have noticed........my time here in "blogville" has been less and less frequent these past few months. Although I do miss visiting many of you all and being blessed with your inspiration and thought provoking words....I have been pressing through some areas in my life that have taken up a higher priority.

So I try to always share the good, the bad and the ugly of "*~Michelle~*". I have always kept it real, and today is no different as I share a little glimpse of what has been going on with me.......and the beauty of answered prayer.

I am all about posting positive uplifting messages, being cheerful and trying to keep a smile on my face 24/7 despite any sadness/hurt toiling inside....but I have never been good at acting either. So I am guessing that one of the reasons I have MIA....is that I was unable to come here and just jot down some fabricated upbeat message. Just can't do it. Never been good at being fake.....in fact, I wrote about my thoughts on being"phony bologna" in the past.

The purpose of my blog/diary....is to share what God is stirring up in my life. It is not to paint some perfect storyline of some hippie Christian gal and focus on "me". No, I just hope/pray that through all the babbling and grammatical nightmares.......that even one person will be able to relate......in the good, bad and ugly....and be directed to Him in all circumstances.

So here is a little "ugly" for you.

I hold grudges.

For big offenses and sometimes for the most ridiculous ones. In fact, I white knuckle them. Like that Target cashier who wouldn't take my $5 coupon because it was torn near the expiration date even though you could CLEARLY see was dated 2011 and this was still in 2010.......yeah, she is dead to me.

(OK, that was a little harsh.....and not very Christian-like....it's a little over-the-top/over-reacting, but I will never go to her line again..........hmmmpf, take that cranky lady!)

There is something controlling, powerful and rewarding about holding a grudge, isn't there? Well at least that is what the enemy has infused in my heart. Yes, being the control freak that I admittedly am.....it is how I find myself wired when dealing with hurt and disappointment.

..... until recently.

Yes, lately I have found myself entering a new chapter of my life. A chapter that includes the possibility of losing someone close to me soon. Someone who I have built up walls in my heart from the resentment I have allowed to harbor there.

Isn't it true that when you experience the reality of death or impending death of someone in your life, you then realize your own mortality as well? It becomes so apparent what really is important....and how life is too short to be wasted in a negative mindset.

With this discovery.....I found myself not praying for God to change what was happening in my life, but rather to change *me* and my heart as I go through it all. I prayed to have His heart......to have His compassion and forgiveness.

What is crazy is that I know that God forgives me every day. And I totally mess up too many times to count. Yet, He still loves me and gives me chances. The Word says His mercies and grace are new everyday. So who have I thought I was to not extend the same to others?!?

But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. ~Mark 11:25 NLT

And lastly, forgiveness is not saying that it settles all questions of blame, justice and fairness. But it is the only way to break the cycle of blame--and pain--in a relationship. It does allow relationships to be restored.....not only with the person you are forgiving, but most importantly.....with God. We have the chains of anger/bitterness broken off of our hearts and are finally free. Free to be happy, free to love......and be loved.

So here is where I am......in the middle of a transformation. I am not fully there yet, but can see the beauty of what is to come. I consider this another gift from God to be able to feel the walls slowly be broken down and have His warm love pour into a place that was once empty/cold. It is a gift for me to experience the love/relationship that was meant to be. And the gift of not having any regrets.


How about you? Do you hold grudges? Are you honestly able to overlook people who brought about past hurts and love 'em like Jesus?


Peace, love and stay barefoot~

*~Michelle~*

Good People, Bad Choices

I wanted to thank you all for all your prayers, advice and encouragement with my last post regarding the struggle of praising God during the not-so-great times we encounter in our lives. Talking about the issue(s) of your children making poor choices/decisions even when you've done your best trying to raise them with Godly guidance and boundaries reminded me of a post I did waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy back in December of '08, so I decided to re-post it today. (one, because I don't think anyone read it......and two, because I have been swamped this past week with more babies arriving.....Praise GOD!........and wrapping up the majority of our construction projects.)

***************************

Good People, Bad Choices (originally posted Dec 13, 2008)

So we were going over the story of Rahab the other night with our Jesse Tree devotion. This is another one of my favorite stories in The Book. It's just so "real" and relatable. I mean, we all have a past.......some more ugly than others. But we also see how God doesn't always pick the most righteous people to do His work......in fact........He's picked some of the least likely people. So I guess it shows us that sometimes we don't feel worthy for God to "choose" us based on our past.....but we are exactly who He needs. He can turn a harlot into a heroine.......surely He can use us as well.

So yeah, Rahab made some pretty bad choices in her life.....and to think that God used her in such a mighty way....We might ask/think......why? Out of all the people in Jericho, why on Earth would He choose such a woman??? I guess this is another testimony on to how God orchestrates everything and has it all go to His plan. Pretty sure He led these spies to her home......and it was the "right" time for her to have the opportunity to make a choice...will she protect these spies and have faith in their God.......or protect herself and warn the city? I believe this was the moment that Rahab had her fresh new start in life.....she reveals an understanding of Christ that seems impossible considering her past life of sin. Perhaps, being trapped by sin for so long, she was so ready to be freed from the captivity. Throughout Scripture, the poor and the less fortunate were drawn to Jesus......He even told the Pharisees that "the harlots and tax collectors will enter Heaven before you" in the Book of Matthew.

I read this on this site, thought it was pretty amazing:
From that time on, Rahab dwelt with the Israelites. She married a man from the tribe of Judah named Salmon and had a son whom they named Boaz. Boaz took a gentile bride from Moab named Ruth and they had a son named Obed, who had a son named Jesse who had a son named David who became King of Israel (Ruth 4:13-22). And 26 generations later, two distant cousins who were both descendants of King David (and therefore of Rahab and Salmon) married and became the earthly parents of our Lord Jesus. And so when you read the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew, you’ll find Rahab listed there (Matt 1:5).

Pretty cool, huh? :)

So yes.....I guess this story teaches us that even if we don't have the best track record in life, eh hem....like *me*.....God can use us. Maybe it's just to give that grouchy sales clerk a smile or encouraging word......or to pay for the person's coffee behind you in the drive thru as a random act of kindness.....or to be ready to tell others about Christ. He probably has already prepared their heart to receive The Good News even if they appear to be the least likely to be interested.


Oh, and one last thing and keeping it real (I know I talk about how blessed we are, but never want to come off as a "pokey cheeky we are are so wonderful"......

.......no, we have dirt, we have issues......plenty!, we are far from perfect........ we just are doing the best we can with God's tools when problems come up in our lives)

so.......speaking of good people making bad choices......I'd like to say that Gunner is a good example on this subject. For whatever idiotic reason, he decided to have his friend trim up his "chin strap" (yes, I am a mother of a son with a beard, yikes)....in Chemistry class. This idiotic decision landed him in the principal's office. This idiotic decision also earned him a nice punishment including Josh's instruction that the chin strap will be removed until further notice. Gunner takes great pride in his facial adornment......almost to a "Samson" level......so this was the perfect punishment. He also lost many other privileges for quite some time. Did I mention how I thought this was an idiotic move? I am pretty sure Gunner realizes this now too......every time he looks in the mirror.

Maybe this is what he needed to have a fresh start himself....time to straighten up his act....(again).....and realize that fooling around, making bad choices gets him no-where fast. We told him the choice was his......(inserting the wide road~being the popular/ class clown, getting the laughs, etc vs. the narrow road ~focus on doing the Right thing lesson too).

The one thing he did do, that was not so idiotic, was calling Josh immediately after it all happened. We have always taught the kids about how the punishment would def. be less severe if they are honest and upfront. He could have certainly not even mentioned the incident as we probably would have never found out.....but I guess we have gotten a few good messages through to him these past years....as he readily confessed from the school's bathroom stall. I think that saved him from having his head shaved as well.

**********************

So I guess I needed to re-read this as well today and remember how blessed we all are when we make mistakes, which we all do and know that we can come to our Loving Father and confess those sins and wrong-doings to Him (of course He already knows about them). He is abundant in mercy and ready to forgive. He is eager to forget and always has His arms open wide with unconditional LOVE!


I hope you have a blessed weekend with family and loved ones today.....
*~Michelle~*

"I've been bamboozled"

Ah yes.....the famous words of the Burgermeister Meisterburger. You know him, the grouchy, fun-loathing mayor of Sombertown from Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. (which btw is one of my favorite classic animated Christmas shows.....first being The Little Drummer Boy)



Well that is who I was last night. I was miserable and ill tempered. I was barking orders at the kids. Every little thing set me off to a Code Red status.

There was nothing in particular, that I can think of, that brought me to this Burgermeister state of being. Maybe it was because my house was upside down and I was getting overwhelmed........maybe it was due to an overly scheduled and hectic week, or was it seeing my checking account got down to $3.96 (not kidding! God sure does have a sense of humor with His accounting)......I could blame it on hormones......perhaps a combination of them all. Regardless......I created my own version of Sombertown and I was the Mayor.

This morning, I looked up the meaning of somber;

-adjective 1. gloomily dark; shadowy; dimly lighted 2. gloomy, depressed, dismal.


Yep. That was me, alright. What grabbed my attention the most with this part of the definition was "dimly lighted"

Bingo.

I had no Light. God's Light was totally missing. And get this.....looking back.....I was totally keeping the shades drawn to purposely keep it out. As I stormed walked around the house, I truly felt validated with how I was acting and treating everyone. I am ashamed to admit (but you know I will lay it all out here) that even while decorating our tree, I felt the need to keep that snappy edge on to get my message across. How sad is that?

So this might be going out on a limb, but it was like the scene from that movie only with my own character substitutions.......(I got this from the Internet Movie Database while searching for a Burgermeister photo and it just seemed perfect!)


Burgermeister Meisterburger Me: You brats are under arrest.

Kris Kringle God: Wait don't arrest those children. It was my fault I gave them the toys. (the gift of peace and joy)

Burgermeister Meisterburger Me: YOU? How dare you! You are obviously a nonconformist and a rebel! (Have you seen the day I have had? How and why would I want to be happy? I feel so out of control.......so at least let me control staying mad, thankyouverymuch!)

Kris Kringle God : Have a yo-yo. (I can bring you peace and joy)

Burgermeister Meisterburger Me: [gasps and chokes] A yoooooo-yoooooooooo? I love yo-yos. (to have peace in my heart) I used to be able to do all kinds of tricks. Ah-wheeeee

(insert me actually starting to have fun with the kids....I think I might have even cracked a smile)

[laughing]

Grimsby my angry spirit/the enemy: Excuse me sir, but you're breaking your own law.

Burgermeister Meisterburger Me: [gasps and chokes] Ooooooouuuuuuu, I've been bamboozled! (I am supposed to be angry, dang it!)


So OK, maybe it's a little quirky of me to represent how God desire to give us peace by referencing a 1970 stop motion TV special......but to me, it was like God was still trying to shine His Light in my dark gloomy world/day by offering the chance to turn it all around with decorating the tree. He did not turn His back on me even as I was turning my back on Him. I should have graciously accepted His gift of grace when I certainly didn't deserve it. But I had been gripped/bound by my own emotions, I was stubborn and continued to stay angry.

And all it did was rob me (and my children) of joy.

So today, I am giving thanks to our God who wipes the slate clean and gives us/me a new day to make things right. A fresh start.....I cannot take away the ugly from yesterday, but I am given the beautiful opportunity to apologize to everyone and start fresh.


My first order of business in asking forgiveness is to God. I feel that it must be such a slap in the face to Him when I was holding onto anger and bitterness. He has blessed my socks off, but yet I found something negative to focus on and gave full authority for it to rule my actions.

So now I pray: Dear Lord, Help me honor You when the battles rage inside me. I don't want to hurt and fight with the people I love. I don't want to disappoint You. I need You to help me with keeping my emotions in check. I need You to help direct my steps/reactions. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Thankfully.....just like in the movie, there is true Victory in Christ. From Wikipedia's summary:

"As time continues to pass, though, the Burgermeister regime ends, as their forebears begin dying off and falling out of power, at which point the Sombertowners realize how ludicrous the Meisterburger "laws" really were while Kris Kringle "legend" continues to go worldwide"

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger,
brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

~Ephesians 4:31-32

So my friends, if you got this far, without thinking I was too loony or off-the-wall with my thought process (I've been called worse!).....I hope you are blessed with a wonderful weekend filled with Light and Happiness.

Peace~

*~Michelle~*

ReFINE-ing Friday

I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers, emails and kind words over the past couple of days....to know that we are surrounded by so many faith filled friends means more than any of my rambling words can convey.

With that said.....we are still amidst some trials. And you know, in the big scheme of things, we know we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams and these are just little roadblocks/hurdles that are arising during our journey.

Part of me wants to think the enemy saw the door slightly ajar last weekend and jammed his foot right in. And he took the opportunity to find each of our weaknesses and kick us when we were down. And that's how quickly it can happen.....when our guard is down and we are distracted with our own emotional hangups, we become vulnerable for more his attacks and adversity. The negativity stemming from his presence is like a powerful magnet now pulling in more junk to try to cloud our judgment/focus even more.

Going with another avenue and not wanting to give the enemy any credit for anything in life, I can look at these trials as part of God's refinement plan for our lives. I know that God can allow and/or bring situations into our lives so that we are forced to walk through the fires and burn off things that need to be removed.

So I guess what I am trying to say, is that I do not have the answers to why these things happen in our lives......our ways are not His ways, our thoughts are not His thoughts. But what I do know is that we are so thankful that we have God in our lives and we continue to keep our eyes focused on Him. He is the ultimate Navigator during these storms......He is The Lighthouse that shows us the Way. Thankfully, through the power of prayer and faith, we are pressing ahead and will come out of these refining fires more purified.....

This reminds me of a story that was emailed to me one time.....I saved it so that I can turn to it when I find myself in the middle of a trial. So now I want to share it with you:

Malachi 3:3: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

So, if today you are feeling the heat of your own fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.


I will leave you with this song that I have been playing over and over this week......it's off the new CD by Kutless who rocked our socks off at Soulfest '08.


Enjoy and have a blessed weekend~
*~Michelle~*

PS. don't want to get y'all a teeny bit jealous (that wouldn't be a very Christian thing to do, now would it? *teasing!! gotta keep my quirky sense of humor around).....but our family is blessed to be going to a Rock The Sound V concert this weekend with David Crowder, Third Day, Family Force Five and a few other bands. This event couldn't be happening at a better time......as a family, this week has been rough......and are so grateful that we have this opportunity to bring us closer to each other and worship together. We are all looking forward to a full night of praise and worship!!!


*don't forget to pause my playlist

A bitter pill to swallow

If you've been popping in my world for say.....more than a couple times.....you know that I pretty much let you all in on what is going on in my heart. Occasionally I'll give you a glimpse of what is bouncing around in my head, but that is a scary place. It is a place where you would surely get lost as I have a hard time focusing on one thought. For example, last night I caught the first few minutes of Three Rivers and it totally confirmed my thoughts on those creaky carnival rides (one of those spinning puke machines broke off and flew off crashing to the ground). Of course I turned the channel because I knew I would have nightmares of clowns. Because carnival thoughts went to circus thoughts (which I also do not like....not a fan of animal cruelty, as you can imagine)....then to creepy clowns, which terrifies me, along with ventriloquist dummies and old fashion china dolls.

See? Aren't you glad I am taking you into my heart instead?

But for this trip, you might need to pack some extra tools because I have this wall around it that needs tearing down. Yes, I am having one of my not so finer moments in my walk of Christ and am having a struggle with bitterness and unforgiveness.

And it s*cks. "scuse my language, but it does.

(trying to talk myself into thinking the asterisk takes a little edge off of it)

I won't bore you with the details of who, what, why and all that.....but I will tell you that it didn't stop with just one person or one incident. And I'll let you in on an ugly truth. I can hold a mean grudge at times. I am not proud of it, but I am being real.

So, it started Friday night with a spat with one of my sons who was displaying a perfect example of this "Generation Entitlement" and it spiraled downward. It was like the spiral turned into a tornado and anyone who was not a safe distance from me, got sucked into my twister of bitterness. Saturday morning, I woke up with that same ugly chip on my shoulder and no one was safe from my wrath. I thought I would be able to start a new day with a new brighter outlook, but bitterness had it's foot jammed in the doorway of my heart and I was unable to push it out.

In the Bible it is known that being bitter destroys. The phrase, "the bitter water that brings a curse" for example is found quite a few times.

And I did have a curse on me. All it would take is someone looking at me with a crooked eye and I instantly started formulating a list in my head of all that person did in the past to "wrong" me. It was like I felt more empowered building that list as if each entry was more ammunition to use. I even practice the fury that I would be unleashing on them, when the time was just right. I had it all planned out and it festered within me, causing more anger to boil through my veins.

I am pretty sure I appeared as ugly on the outside as I was in the inside. I was walking around with a permanent scorn on my face (causing hideous wrinkles and frown lines prematurely I am sure)......I was tense and snappy, wound up like a top ready to spin out of control.

I was frustrated. I was stewing. I started reliving past hurts and found a bizarre sense of comfort settling into this state of resentment. I was destroying myself from the inside out. I was exhausted physically as well as emotionally.

Due to my pissy pants mood.....I found myself wanting to be alone to sulk and pout. So I ran random errands throughout the day. I jumped into Josh's truck to buy some hay and feed. I had the Third Day CD in and had it cranked....probably one step below blowing out speakers level, because we all know that when you are frustrated/angry.....loud music is needed. Of course the lyrics brought me to tears as I felt God trying to warm my cold angry heart. I actually pulled over at one point and just sobbed for a few minutes. It was like holding all that negative emotion was pumping negative energy into my internal boiler that needed to be cracked open to release some steam. I felt temporary relief and headed back home....but the anger and resentment started resurfacing. It was as if I felt validated staying upset in some warped way.

*a little side note from my ADD brain.....but something that just dawned on me. Do you see a correlation here being angry and common references such as blowing off steam, fuming, fiery, boiling, combustion, all referring to extreme heat as in that really HOT PLACE......otherwise known as H-E-double hockey sticks? Hmmmm.

So, today.......I wake up this morning feeling so empty and drained. What good did it do to stay angry all weekend? Nothing. In fact, it robbed me of 48 hours that I will never get back. I was totally ripped off. But it was no-one's fault but my own. I take full responsibility.....instead of looking Up, I was looking inward. I was feeding my own desire to take control. I felt wronged and wanted justice. I had no control over how others treated me, but I did have control of my emotions and felt like I wanted to call the shots, even if it was the power of staying angry. I gave the enemy a written invitation to my heart. And that is what the enemy is.......a total rip-off. He is a thief who only has one mission. To rob and destroy. Mission accomplished.

I think it is Paul who wrote to the Ephesians (I told you I am not great at knowing all the details).....but I do know what he is trying to teach us (me) especially in Chapter 4

".........Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace......

........In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.....

and here is where Paul brings it ALL HOME:

.....Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

wow.....that feels like a punch in the gut right now.

Imagine if God kept a list of all the screw ups I did tucked in His back pocket to use as ammunition? I don't think His robe would be able to fit a scroll that long.

No, God is quite the opposite....He tosses our sins in the Sea of Forgetfulness. (Micah 7:19) Although my sins are like scarlet, He turns them white as snow. (Isaiah 1:18) He puts all my sins behind His back. (Isaiah 38:17)

So today, I want to purge my heart of unforgiveness. Ironically, I am praying that God forgives me for not forgiving others. I pray that the "curse of bitterness" is broken off of me and I can begin this week with a new heart, a heart that God commands me to have. He commands me to have this heart because He knows the freedom it will bring me. He knows it will release me from the burden and the junk I am carrying around.

So there you have it.....I give you the good, the bad and the ugly with my blog. Today, this surely is the latter two.

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

Listening to the Littlest

The other night I was in the bathroom and I flipped through a book that I bought at the local GoodWill....because you know that is the only place I get to read, right?
(*my bathroom, not the GoodWill.....Man, I am an English/grammar teacher's nightmare with my run-on sentences and my complete destruction of all grammar rules)

Anyway....this small hardcover book is titled, Listening to the Littlest and it's a collection of thoughts/poems by Ruth Reardon. Not sure if it is a popular book and if everyone and their mother knows about it.....but it was a great new discovery for me. In fact, I looked it up on Amazon and I am still confused about the popularity of this book as it sells from .01 used to $48.99 new to some $30 collectible editions. All I know is the cover is different from the Amazon listing and I only paid 25 cents.

(*hey, maybe I'll find out this is some special one of a kind edition....uh, nevermind....remember this?)

Anyway, the inside cover had a message handwritten saying congratulations to a couple who I am assuming just had a baby. I flipped to the next page and I loved the preface (or whatever that is called)

If littlest ones could know
what only years can teach.

If littlest ones could tell
just how they feel....

Maybe,.....they would talk
like this.....
Maybe.....we would listen.....

You know I was hooked as soon as I saw the "......"!

anyway....I thought it would be a good book to keep in my bathroom basket.....because, well you know...like I said, that is the only time I actually have a moment of peace to read.

So I totally forgot about it until one night last week, it was late......I was fried from a long day and was getting ready to settle down. I was aggravated because someone used the last of the toilet paper and just tossed the roll on the floor.....not sure what made me more annoyed.....not replacing the roll, or throwing the empty one on the floor approximately six inches from the trash can.

So as I grumbled a few choice words and bent down to pick it up, that book caught my eye. I picked it up and put the lid down on the toilet.....I was officially giving myself 10 minutes of "Michelle time" even though I could hear what sounded like a scene from Braveheart coming from my living room. Did I mention I had a house full of teenagers over and they were playing X-Box Live?

The book contained short poems that gently reminded parents to slow down, allow little ones to "help" when they want and that saying "no" is OK. This kind of stuff is perfect for me as you know it's hard for me to get past a few pages of reading with my ADD and short attention span. These poems were awesome.....they delivered great messages in just a few short words.

I came across this one poem in particular that I absolutely loved.....I know God wanted me to read this as I have had some "not so Mother-of-the-Year" moments over the past few days. Yeah, I wasn't feeling so proud about how I acted with my kids lately. It seemed like all I have been doing was barking at my younger ones and constantly nitpicking battles with my two older ones. I can try to blame/chalk it up to being slightly hormonal, a little stressed from trying to get the refinancing in order (to help pay for the new roof we have).......or maybe just being a little burnt out from burning it at both ends, both physically and emotionally. I can......but I won't.

In fact, it doesn't matter why I was acting the way I was acting......the fact is, I did act that way.

Yes, my kids can be selfish, push my button and they are no angels. I won't play them up to be. I have two teenagers that can be self centered and demanding at times.......I have two younger children who sometimes purposely taunt the other to tears. Homeschooling doesn't always go as smooth as it could.....partly my fault for being unorganized and flustered.....partly their fault for taking advantage of a laid back learning environment and having their mom as their teacher.

But also.....I don't think that they should be the "punching bag" for the stress, burdens and just plain junk that I am carrying. I cannot change or control certain situations that I am dealing with, but I can control how I react to them. And to be honest....they are not anything different or worse that many of us are dealing with in this economy, world....and just life, yk?

So lately, I feel like we have had this whole negative blanket covering us and everyone is feeding off/reacting to the negativity. There is shouting and angry words. Words, that once they fly out of your mouth.....have been causing some damage. There is bitterness, hurt feelings, guilt and defensiveness.

Now after one of these verbal smackdowns, I will say that after a few hours of me holding a grudge, slamming a few cupboards and speaking only when spoke to......I want to apologize and revisit the issue in a more calm atmosphere. It feels unsettling to be distant from my kids emotionally. I never appreciated being on the receiving end of "because I said so, and I am the parent" growing up. I always try to let my kids know that their feelings and wants are important to me, even if I don't agree with them. I never want to belittle anything they are feeling or going through. I don't want to build up a wall with them as a parent, so they feel it is useless to come to me. So many teens feel like this these days.....and that can cause them to seek help/attention in the wrong places or from the wrong people.

We may not be Beaver Cleaver family, but we are held together with a strong bond (God being in the center) and being divided feels foreign/uneasy to us. So, although I feel I have valid concerns/issues that needed to be addressed.....I clearly handle it the wrong way and feel the need to apologize.

I also know that the cold shoulder and unforgiveness feels unsettling for them as well. So sometimes, after they barricade themselves in their bedrooms and have their music blaring for an hour or so, they come to me and want to apologize.

Either way, I am so thankful that most of the time....the apologies are accepted, forgiveness is granted and we can have a civilized discussion where they find out I am right, we discuss the matter honoring each others' feelings and concerns.

Totally Kkidding about the I am right strikeout/dealio.....I want them to know that yes, sometimes parents don't have their act all together and can make mistakes. This whole parenting thing is a learning experience and every day with every age/stage of raising children, we are faced with making decisions. There is no cookie cutter method. There is no instructional manual that one size fits all (except the Bible). Point is, we are human and completely competent to have some major screw-ups in our lives too.


OK, back to the poem......

Good Night, Mother

......it's o.k.
You didn't win a prize for motherhood
today, but it's o.k.
You haven't ruined my development
by one bad day

I want a human mother, not a model one.
You sure were angry at the world!
I learned a few new words
(I won't repeat!)
Don't worry Mother~I felt your kiss
There's always a tomorrow~

Forgiving and forgetting are easy
when I know that I am loved!

That made me well up, I don't know about you.

I am going to be honest....It's a humbling experience when your children forgive you.

How like Jesus to teach such a powerful and valuable lesson through our children. God forgives us.....unconditionally. Even when we are not the "model" Christian/Believer. In fact.....there is no "model" perfect Christian. The only perfect One was Jesus. God knows we are not perfect, He created us!

He doesn't hold a grudge, His opinion of us is not changed. He loves us unconditionally. Even when I show up after a train wreck of wrong doings......I come to Him, my sins are tossed into the Sea of Forgetfulness and I am forgiven. Even when I act like a selfish, self absorbed teenager......thinking only about me and my needs, God still pours His endless Grace on me when I don't deserve it.

God, thank you so much for always meeting me with open arms. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness when I clearly do not deserve it. Thank you for keeping me number one on Your priority list, when some times I put myself at the top of my list. Thank you for wiping my slate clean so that I may have a tomorrow, a chance to make it right again with You and others.

Thank you for the reward and gift of forgiveness for others, as Matthew reminds us: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." ~Matt. 6:14

And lastly.....thank you for blessing me with children who continue to teach me......and like You, forgive me when I screw up.

xox
*~Michelle~*

ps. If I can find another copy of this book, without paying $48.99.......I am def. going to include it in my one year blog-versary giveaway/celebration coming up soon. :)

Call Poison Control!!!

poi-son [poi-zuhn] noun

1. a substance with an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health.
2. something harmful or pernicious, as to happiness or well-being
3. a toxic chemical or other substance, capable of causing injury or death.

So let's focus on the word "toxic" because my question today is how do you deal with a toxic person/relationship in your life?

Psychologists define toxic people as "highly insecure, angry and/or depressed people who only feel better about themselves if they make others feel worse". They increase stress levels and foster negativity. They basically rob you of your joy.

Pretty sure everyone has, had, or will have, a toxic person in our life. You know who they are.....

OK, just incase you don't......I'll give you a few examples.

Debbie Downer: someone who is just oozing negativity all the time. It could be a beautiful day outside and when you express how wonderful it is, they tell you that tomorrow calls for rain.

Nay-Saying Nelly: someone who always tries to negate what you are talking about. They think they know more than you therefore they feel the need to constantly correct you.

One-uppin' Oliver: no matter what you are going through.....they have had it worse. In fact, they don't even take the time to talk about your issue and offer comfort or support. It turns into their experience/conversation immediately. These people also just "wait for their turn to talk" as opposed to listening.

Emotional Ellie: this person is an emotional rollercoaster taking you for the most unpleasant ride every time you meet. They can never keep it together and are always falling apart seeking someone to help them.

Jealous Judy: suffering from envy (as I have honestly admitted to).....but taken to a severe level where they are bitter, seething and miserable and act accordingly in day to day encounters.

Fault Finding Fred: They never take responsibility for their own actions. They point fingers and blame others constantly so to take any feeling of failure or wrong-doing off of themselves.

Timmy Taker: name is pretty self explanatory......all they do is take, take, take. Your time, your energy.....they just suck the life outta ya.

or how about

"I'm the Victim" Victoria: She always is the victim....whether it is her health, her lack of finances, her hurts from the past that she can never let go, even how that clerk looked at her at the checkout. I heard this phrase one time from a preacher on TV and I just love it. "It's time to call the "whaaaam-bulance" for all the whining."

The guest list to the Poison Party can go on and on.......but you get my gist on whose attending.

One of the easiest and most sensible ways to deal with these people is to just avoid them. That's pretty simple, huh?

But what about when you have toxic people that are integrated into your life and you have to be in contact with them on a regular basis. They could be your boss or co-worker. They could be your neighbor. Or even more "regular".......a close family member such as a sibling or parent. Now what?

Having a toxic person pretty close in my life.....I have wrestled with this for quite some time. And I don't have much sage advice, by all means. But I have had all these years to find out what works best (for me) and what doesn't.

First things first......I am learning that toxic people have issues within themselves. Their toxic ways have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them.

I am trying to set boundaries and speak up when necessary to defend myself and my "space". Mentally as well as physically, I am trying to distance myself when possible. I am realizing that I can become their personal target or outlet for their own misery, insecurities, and low self-esteem......*if* I allow them to.

I would like to note that I am sensitive and have compassion for the reasons/causes of their toxicity. My heart breaks to think about some of the events that transpired in certain people's lives that brings them to this state of misery. Depression and the feeling of hopelessness must be crippling. But this does not change the fact that their toxic attitudes and behaviors will continue until I (you) stop allowing them to hurt or upset me (you).

So even when it might be difficult, there might be a time where you need to cut ties or at least avoid visits even if this toxic person is in your family. I cannot afford to subject my family to their negativity or the negative effect this person has on me. Often at times, after a exhausting visit or phone call, I am uptight and then take out my frustrations on the innocent people around me, my husband and children. And they certainly do not deserve it.

I believe that my responsibility to God as a parent is to keep my children/family in the most positive uplifting environment as possible. I also believe that He would want me to remove as much negativity as possible as well.

But I know, that as a Christian.....I feel conflicted with "giving up" on people. It feels like there is a gray area on where to draw the line, doesn't it? Even after all the hurts they have bestowed on me......I know that forgiving them and praying for them is the right thing to do, but (again, being real and honest here).....it is the LAST thing I feel like doing. So yeah, this is and continues to be very difficult for me to do.

Then I think..... what if God felt that way about me? Where would I be today? I am sure I was acting in a self absorbed, arrogant way when I was not following Him. It was all about me and my desires. I am sure I was toxic to be around, I can only imagine on how God should have "cut ties" with me. But Praise Him and His endless grace. Not only did He forgive my ugly sin.....He continues to forgive me every day.

Jesus tells us this in Matthew 5:44-48 "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ................If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Of course it is easy to show kindness and love to our positive group of family and friends, they are a pleasure to be around! But the true testimony of walking the walk of Jesus (instead of talking the talk) is to extend that kindness, love and forgiveness to those who hurt us. I believe that God uses every relationship/experience for a reason. It might be for us to press deeper in Him by seeking His word/counsel with these events. It might be an opportunity for us to witness to others and bring peace to troubled people.....whatever it is, be sure that God does not do anything just randomly.

I have, on more than one occasion.....lifted my eyes up and say.....OK, God.....the insides of my cheeks are shredded from biting them to keep from lashing out.......can you hook me up with some healing here?

So for now, I will pray for them (and myself!). I can pray that the darkness is lifted off of them and they see The Light. I can pray that they find the peace and joy that knowing and following Jesus brings. I can pray that I am able to put on a filter when I need to be around them. I hope that they see a supernatural reaction "in me" when they try to inject their poison. I pray that they see Jesus as the perfect antidote. I pray that God blesses me with the perfect words to deliver His message of hope and pure happiness.

So how about you? How do you handle the Debbie Downers or the Timmy Takers in your life?

I'm all ears!

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*