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Stop the ride...I'm gonna puke.

Nice title, huh?

Well that kinda sums up how I have been feeling.....I feel like I am on this never-ending spinning ride at one of those carnivals and there is a freaky transient guy, with no teeth and bad skin, who is running the ride who refuses to stop it. Or wait, was that a dream I had? Regardless.....I do feel that I am on the not-so-merry-go-round of chronic activity lately.

(just for the record, I do not go on those creaky carnival rides, in fact I stay clear of them because I always think about how they totally do not use all the proper nuts and bolts to put them together. I mean, think about it.....how many times are those death traps erected and taken down??? Surely a few screws and thingamajigs get lost during their travels and it probably is too much work to find a replacement.....anyway, for the record, I avoid carnival rides and the sometime strange people running them. *hopefully not offending any of the non-creepy traveling carnival entrepreneurs who might be reading this.....or people who know/love them)


So, my life is whirling by me these past few weeks and I just want to slow.it.down.

Sure, we've been busy with Homecoming, Hunter's birthday, searching for documents to finish up our re-fi, new additions to our herd, and homeschooling events. And btw, who-ever thinks that homeschoolers have no social interaction should come and hang out with us because we have hardly been home with all the events we've been involved in lately.

Another thing that is keeping us busy is the onset of fall....which in New England means winter is like... next week. I think that is why New England people are known to be uptight and always in a rush....it's because we try to cram in everything while we have a glimpse of enjoyable weather because we know that our summers are getting shorter and there is less time/light on our side to get whatever we want to get done, done. Our weather is very unpredictable and that also gives that feeling of no control. So everyone is in a tizzy to either squeeze/cram in whatever you need to do because tomorrow might be a washout. For example.....today is nice....it's 65 degrees and clear. Tomorrow might hit close to 70. But last week we had four days of rain, frost on the early morning ground and even snow on Sunday.

But it's not only us North Eastern people, it's everywhere in the US (and the world). We are living in a world of "rush". We feel the need to do everything as fast as possible so we can get to the next duty on our list. We ship Federal Express, we eat fast food and we use instant messaging.

anyway....I am at a point where the hectic schedule is becoming a total drag to me. I am in dire need of some down time. I am scurrying around so much during the day that I am passing out as soon as I am in a horizontal position. I am missing out on the wind-down time with Josh. The time where he and I connect, talk about random stuff.......reconnect after the world/family/etc has kept us apart.

But most importantly......I am in dire need of my wind-down time with God. I need to push aside all the busyness and make the time for Him. I am guilty of only giving Him the leftovers, if anything, these past few weeks. I am spinning my wheels and most of time, I end up dizzy from the chaos.

Sure, I thank Him and give Him the glory for the blessings He is pouring on us....but I have not been still or quiet enough to just talk with Him....or better yet, listen to what He wants me to hear/know. I've talked before about how I need help staying still.....and I fear that I am on a path lately that isn't keeping God at the forefront. And that scares me, because I know that I need Him in everything I do. I need Him to keep me focused. I need Him to help me make decisions based on His word and wisdom. I need Him to be by my side in my daily walk. How can I have Him so close and influential, if I am keeping pushing Him back in my list of things to do?

It's like that line in a song by Casting Crowns, Slow Fade: "people never crumble in a day". I am afraid that I am getting caught up in what appears to be important, and putting off what is the most important. And by the time I am really needing to rest physically and mentally in Him......I am so wiped out and drained, that I put it off til the next day. Unfortunately, even with good intentions, it doesn't come to pass and the next morning, I foolishly (and wearily) jump right back on the hamster wheel and spin back into another rat-race of a day.

Sometimes, I try to justify it all and tell myself, "it's not like I am turning my back on God, He knows I love Him".....but am I deceiving myself into thinking that these small stumblings cannot easily turn into a huge disaster?

Maybe it's because I am selfishly taking for granted that God will be there whenever I get to Him, He is available 24/7, and/or I don't need to make an appointment.

Not cool.

Lately, I am rushing around, sometimes with white knuckles on the steering wheel making sure I get the kids to the football game in time, race in the store before it closes or drop off that package at the post office. Our whiteboard on the fridge has a full schedule of everyone's appointments because we all know my brain is on overdrive and I can barely remember what I had for breakfast, nevermind remember who needs to be picked up/dropped off when or where. (I won't admit about forgetting to pick up G at the skate park last week......uh, I guess I just did. Thankfully he is almost 18, has a cell phone to remind me......and is forgiving)

Even now.......as I am typing this away......I am feeling guilty because I could be using this time to spend some quiet time with God. I will say that I started this post in the wee hours of this morning and have been popping on and off, adding a few paragraphs,(and also deleting many that have gone WAY off topic.....I know you find that hard to believe)
So, we are in between lessons...it is now 1:21 and the kids are having lunch. I am justifying tip tapping away on the keyboard instead of sneaking in my room for some one on one with The One because I figure the kids will be busting in my room within minutes. So, why should I even attempt it now? (ouch, that was raw truth.....but hey, I am keeping it real!)

...but that is not the point, or an excuse. The point is......I have NO excuse. I should have/could have done it this morning. I should have given God His sacred portion of my time before anything/anyone got some. I know the intention behind my blog is to share/shout about how much I love Jesus.......but guess what? I think that sometimes I am so busy about God's business that I am leaving Him out.

*gulp*

So today, my prayer is that I slow down and start making the time for God. I pray that I can put Him first before any/all appointments for the day. He is far more important than anything that I make appointments for or scramble through the day to do. I want to give Him my "first fruits"....not my weary leftovers. He is worthy of my best and I need to let Him know that. I want to slow down, to be still, to make room in my busy life....for Him.

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

28 comments:

Bina @ Bina's Pad said...

I love to listen to your viewpoint on the deathtraps erections...it made me laugh.

I, too, am on the ride even when I hate to ride...and I join you in prayer for a stillness...a focus...a concentration upwards as He moves to pull you in closer.

Many hugs to you today. Thanks for being so real...
Bina

Denise said...

I totally understand what you are saying sweetie. I want the ride to slow down too.

~*Michelle*~ said...

@ Bina

You just made me laugh out loud with "deathtrap erections"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

PLEASE join me in my quest for being still.......just don't talk to me and distract me, OK? LOL

Thanks for blessing me.....and the hugs!

xox

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

I COMPLETELY understand how you are feeling. It's so stressful running around and handling 1000 things all the time. Feeling like you "do" for everyone but yourself.

I think you need some nice down time..and I hope you can get it soon!

Heart2Heart said...

Michelle,

I had been living this life for quite some time trying to be all things to all people and leaving the leftovers for God if there were any.

No however, I talk to Him throughout the day, driving the kids anywhere, we all pray about our days, right there in the car, we lift one another up, we pray for tests, for better days, for a lighter homework schedule. I pray while I am trying to get out of bed in the morning, while I am in the shower, and while I am doing housework.

What I can tell you is that it makes all the difference in the world to how my days go. Less stress, more calm moments and when things do go wrong, pray first, then handle things.

I have even started listening to radio ministries that I love in the morning over coffee.

Just those simple changes are making a huge difference in my attitude, my ability to get things done, how I interact with my family, and now God is an interactive part of my day, not on stand by waiting to see if I have time in my day.

Hope this helps to encourage you, and inspire you to do what you can, when you can. Praying for you as always!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

christy rose said...

Wow! If that isn't the truth for most every one that I know! It is the tactic of our enemy to get us so busy and distract us, causing us to leave behind our lifeline. Out on our own, we are destined to crash. I don't know that the society that we live in today can allow for as slow of a pace as we need to retain the presence of God only in our still times. We need to learn to take Him with us and allow Him to reveal Himself to us and through us in every aspect of our lives. He does "busy" very well!! :)
Praying for you today,
Christy

Paula @ His Living Sacrifice said...

I can totally relate. God deserves first place in my life but quite often He is put in last and ends up with sloppy leftovers. It can be a slow fade in our marriages...our walk with Christ. This post was very convicting so I thank you for helping sharpen me. ((hugs))

~*Michelle*~ said...

@ Kat

VERY encouraging! Thanks so much!

@ Christy....

He is good at "busy"...He is good at everything. all.the.time!

@Paula

Isn't it great to just let it all out and be real?

Joyce said...

This was really good...I loved the carnival analogy because I suffer from serious motion sickness so I totally got it : )

There's a good post up on the In courage site on this topic (yesterday I think)...here's the link if you want to check it out...lots of people weighing in with how they cut out the rush...

http://www.incourage.me/2009/10/hurry.html

Take care...Joyce

RCUBEs said...

Like what you said, everything is a rush not only where you are, but everywhere...I've been reading a lot of posts about "slowing down","wanting to spend more time with the Lord"....is He telling us something?

Like you, I'm not crazy about those crazy rides. If I have to die, I want to die naturally, not because I put myself in harm's way. Those loose screws...you mean, came out from the rides or from people? I'm confused....

Blessings....

Andrea said...

Michelle,

I sooooo get it. I use to say, "Life is a roller coaster and I hate roller coasters." It was hard and still is hard at times when I forcefully make myself take the time I NEED with GOD. I am a better mom, wife, etc. for it.
You are right..I homeschooled and my children were and are quite social and well adjusted. I just chuckle when I hear others negative comments regarding homeschooling.They simply do not have a clue.

Blessings and prayers, andrea

Karen said...

Hey, we all go through busy times!

And the good thing is that, while we do need to remember to stay close to God even when we "don't have time for Him," He is always mindful of us and what we need.

Beth E. said...

I can defintely relate to what you are saying. Just think...when you get to be MY age, you'll be even MORE tired!!! Oh...uh, sorry...I guess I should be encouraging, not discouraging! ;-) Pay me no mind!

Time with God is key...it's what helps us to get through those crazy days!

Blessings,
Beth

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Very, very true. We get so darn busy sometimes. I do much of the same things. Oh, and totally hear you on the carnival rides. Surely those babies are not safe.

Mich said...

HAng in there.

The Bible is full of imperfect people, each of who God used to do great things. He is smiling right now, because He knows you love Him.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Prayers for the ride.

Deborah Ann said...

When I was a teenager, I ran away from home and joined the traveling carnival. I wore raggy, tie dye t-shirts and holy jeans, my hair was a mess, and I always kept a cigarette hanging out of the corner of my mouth. Roller coaster anyone? ha! Couldn't resist.

Here's something interesting I heard, just so's my post won't be entirely lame...I heard it said that God isn't necessarily looking for an open time slot, He's looking for the invitation to be included in your busy day - to be right alongside you through it all. Like, uh, "ok God. It's time to roll up my sleeves and wash the dirty dishes, You in, or what?"

~*Michelle*~ said...

@ Deborah

Surely it wasn't coincidental that you said "holy" jeans instead of holey.

Just sayin'

Cassandra Frear said...

Yesterday, God let me to have a mini-retreat in the woods. It was wonderful and badly needed. Sometimes, I just have to make a complete physical break with my world to find a quiet place with him.

Bridget Chumbley said...

Can you say... 'convicted'?

This was a great post and I say 'ouch'... but in a good way!

Thanks, Michelle.

Loren said...

Can't even tell you how many things I see, read, or even blogging posts are related to slowing down. I did one this week as well.

The Lord is speaking to all of us! CLEARLY!

Have you heard this one ?
B -BEING
U- UNDER
S- SATANS
Y-YOLK

mmmhm.
we need to slow down, and quiet our hearts before the Lord. He longs to be with us :) but Praise HIM for Grace and Mercy in our awareness of times such as these!!

Blessings to you

Kim said...

Such a good reminder. It seems like life moves so fast, and our family is so much slower paced than some.... But still.

Thanks for your constant reminders.

Mimmy said...

Michelle, if you've been reading my blog you will see that recently I've been in the very same boat you are. You are right, there are no excuses for not spending time with God but one thought that I want to leave with you is this: Everytime you write a post about God's word you have to be making some type of preparation for that. To accomplish this, you have to be spending time in His Word and thus spending time listening to Him. As you write your comment about a particular scripture, you are not only sharing your thoughts and feelings with us you are sharing them with Him. Please don't get down on yourself and believe that you need to make major changes in your life. What you are doing with your blog is a wonderful thing and I know that God, as do all of your readers, consider you a blessing. Mama always told me that I need to take care of the important things instead of those things that are urgent. Believe me, you are. Quiet time with God is a true blessing, and knowing you as I feel I do, I'm sure you will find that time, be it in the car, in the bathtub, of at first morning light. It matters not to God where we are as long as we are "there" with Him.

God Bless,
Mimmy

Crown of Beauty said...

Hi Michelle,
Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. I appreciate it when I get to meet someone who took the initiative to visit me first! I'm here at your place, and I have just finished reading your post.

I like your raw honesty. Somehow, I can identify with you. Except that I don't drive, and have no children to bring to where they should be... and it doesn't snow here ever... but the busy-ness is just as real.

For one reason or another, New England is one place in the US that I would love to visit. People tell me it's the real USA, whether others will agree with that or not.

Well, this will be all for now. I'll be sure to visit your place again. In the meantime, I will offer a special prayer for you, that God will somehow give you a window of time, no matter how small, for you to be alone with Him real soon.

Oh, by the way, I loved the way you described the "not so merry go round rides and the creepy characters that operate them. Would you believe, I have exactly the same feelings as you do about those carnival rides!

Blessings,
Lidj

The Things We Carried said...

I agree with you about the rides! I was always relieved when my teens came home safe and sound from any fair in town.

I have so been where you are! Like you, I want to give the first part of my day to the Lord and spend some quiet time with Him. Sometimes it is at night as I drift off to sleep, I am saying, Lord, I had no quiet time with you, and then before I know it, I am asleep while praying. It is all too easy to fill the days with business! For me it is the reward of feeling like a got a lot done, and I know that isn't the most important thing, but it is my struggle to not allow that need to rule me.

ransom33 said...

Hi Michelle,

I have been there a few times already.

In fact I was there not long ago. It is my belief that the enemy uses our busyness to drive us away from God. It is all too tempting for us to put everything else before God. But it has been my experience that during those periods when I wrestled with my own busyness and my inability to give that time to God instead, He was making me even more aware of it because there was something He wanted to prepare me for.

So my advice to you would be what you already know to do: start cutting down on all the things that you are doing because in the end, none of it will matter as much as whether you spent that time with God to find out whether those are the things He has led you to do.

I am praying for you right now that as hard as it is, you make the choice that only you can to jump off the hamster wheel and you begin to tune in again to where is it that the Lord wants you to be and to use you more effectively.

God bless you and keep you

www.ransom33.wordpress.com

wife.mom.nurse said...

I just love Kat's wisdom!


Life has slowed down here over the last year. It took a (not so-after-all)life threatening illness to get me to slam on the brakes and knock off the out of control busyness.

Now, I need to get my mind to slow down and focus on HIM!

I get what you are saying!

Hey, I didn't know you were a New England girl...love it back there :)

Alicia said...

Hello! I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago and decided I'd say hello. Thank you for writing this, this really hits home for me. I get a devotional of sorts emailed to me (which I never seem to find time to read and usually gets deleted a few weeks later!) and on Friday I received one that I decided to read and it was on the same topic. Seems like He's trying to tell me something. :-)

I justify my busyness too-I work full time, go to school, recently bought a house and have a million projects going on along with the usual unpacking/decorating, am a "newlywed"and still try and have a social life, so clearly God understands that I don't have a lot of extra time, right?! Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone in this struggle.

And I'm extremely jealous of your weather! It's basically winter here already in Minnesota, it's snowed almost as much as it's rained this month, our first snowfall was WEEKS ago and the warmest it's been is the low 50's. Boo. I think we went straight from summer to winter this year. Enjoy the fall-ish weather for those of us who don't get one! :-)

amanda said...

slowing down in new england?! it could be possible...i think! lol. when you come visit us in wisconsin you're going to think we're a bunch of snails.

i love that casting crowns song! it's another cd we jammed to on our way to new england...

 

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