Good People, Bad Choices

I wanted to thank you all for all your prayers, advice and encouragement with my last post regarding the struggle of praising God during the not-so-great times we encounter in our lives. Talking about the issue(s) of your children making poor choices/decisions even when you've done your best trying to raise them with Godly guidance and boundaries reminded me of a post I did waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy back in December of '08, so I decided to re-post it today. (one, because I don't think anyone read it......and two, because I have been swamped this past week with more babies arriving.....Praise GOD!........and wrapping up the majority of our construction projects.)

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Good People, Bad Choices (originally posted Dec 13, 2008)

So we were going over the story of Rahab the other night with our Jesse Tree devotion. This is another one of my favorite stories in The Book. It's just so "real" and relatable. I mean, we all have a past.......some more ugly than others. But we also see how God doesn't always pick the most righteous people to do His work......in fact........He's picked some of the least likely people. So I guess it shows us that sometimes we don't feel worthy for God to "choose" us based on our past.....but we are exactly who He needs. He can turn a harlot into a heroine.......surely He can use us as well.

So yeah, Rahab made some pretty bad choices in her life.....and to think that God used her in such a mighty way....We might ask/think......why? Out of all the people in Jericho, why on Earth would He choose such a woman??? I guess this is another testimony on to how God orchestrates everything and has it all go to His plan. Pretty sure He led these spies to her home......and it was the "right" time for her to have the opportunity to make a choice...will she protect these spies and have faith in their God.......or protect herself and warn the city? I believe this was the moment that Rahab had her fresh new start in life.....she reveals an understanding of Christ that seems impossible considering her past life of sin. Perhaps, being trapped by sin for so long, she was so ready to be freed from the captivity. Throughout Scripture, the poor and the less fortunate were drawn to Jesus......He even told the Pharisees that "the harlots and tax collectors will enter Heaven before you" in the Book of Matthew.

I read this on this site, thought it was pretty amazing:
From that time on, Rahab dwelt with the Israelites. She married a man from the tribe of Judah named Salmon and had a son whom they named Boaz. Boaz took a gentile bride from Moab named Ruth and they had a son named Obed, who had a son named Jesse who had a son named David who became King of Israel (Ruth 4:13-22). And 26 generations later, two distant cousins who were both descendants of King David (and therefore of Rahab and Salmon) married and became the earthly parents of our Lord Jesus. And so when you read the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew, you’ll find Rahab listed there (Matt 1:5).

Pretty cool, huh? :)

So yes.....I guess this story teaches us that even if we don't have the best track record in life, eh hem....like *me*.....God can use us. Maybe it's just to give that grouchy sales clerk a smile or encouraging word......or to pay for the person's coffee behind you in the drive thru as a random act of kindness.....or to be ready to tell others about Christ. He probably has already prepared their heart to receive The Good News even if they appear to be the least likely to be interested.


Oh, and one last thing and keeping it real (I know I talk about how blessed we are, but never want to come off as a "pokey cheeky we are are so wonderful"......

.......no, we have dirt, we have issues......plenty!, we are far from perfect........ we just are doing the best we can with God's tools when problems come up in our lives)

so.......speaking of good people making bad choices......I'd like to say that Gunner is a good example on this subject. For whatever idiotic reason, he decided to have his friend trim up his "chin strap" (yes, I am a mother of a son with a beard, yikes)....in Chemistry class. This idiotic decision landed him in the principal's office. This idiotic decision also earned him a nice punishment including Josh's instruction that the chin strap will be removed until further notice. Gunner takes great pride in his facial adornment......almost to a "Samson" level......so this was the perfect punishment. He also lost many other privileges for quite some time. Did I mention how I thought this was an idiotic move? I am pretty sure Gunner realizes this now too......every time he looks in the mirror.

Maybe this is what he needed to have a fresh start himself....time to straighten up his act....(again).....and realize that fooling around, making bad choices gets him no-where fast. We told him the choice was his......(inserting the wide road~being the popular/ class clown, getting the laughs, etc vs. the narrow road ~focus on doing the Right thing lesson too).

The one thing he did do, that was not so idiotic, was calling Josh immediately after it all happened. We have always taught the kids about how the punishment would def. be less severe if they are honest and upfront. He could have certainly not even mentioned the incident as we probably would have never found out.....but I guess we have gotten a few good messages through to him these past years....as he readily confessed from the school's bathroom stall. I think that saved him from having his head shaved as well.

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So I guess I needed to re-read this as well today and remember how blessed we all are when we make mistakes, which we all do and know that we can come to our Loving Father and confess those sins and wrong-doings to Him (of course He already knows about them). He is abundant in mercy and ready to forgive. He is eager to forget and always has His arms open wide with unconditional LOVE!


I hope you have a blessed weekend with family and loved ones today.....
*~Michelle~*

"....and they called it.....Puppy Love"

OK, so this is totally dating myself.....now, I won't say that that I remember the original song "Puppy Love" by Paul Anka in 1960....but I certainly remember Donny Osmond's version from the early 70s quite well!

This is about my daughter's first experience with "puppy love" that goes beyond the typical adoring affection of a young one.

Now I am sure you know by now, I am a mushy mama. And when it comes to sentimental Christmas movies.....there is usually no doubt that there will be boogies and tears.

For example, I still sniffle away when the Little Drummer Boy plays for Jesus....and I always get choked up when Linus preaches his message on The Charlie Brown Christmas. It doesn't matter that I have probably seen this movie over 100 times in my lifetime.....I get that lump in my throat every time I watch it!

N is the apple that apparently hasn't fall from the tree. She has been watching all the Christmas classics since mid November. She is all about Christmas.....and all about animals. So when I saw this new Hallmark Hall of Fame movie, A Dog Named Christmas being broadcast, I knew I had to record it.

I won't blow the movie for you in case you are going to watch it.....(I think it is going to be re-broadcasted soon) but it is a story about a developmentally challenged boy, Todd (who is played by Noel Fisher). He lives on a farm and adopts a dog temporarily for Christmas. He ends up encouraging others to do the same all while teaching his community about peace on earth and goodwill toward men--and animals.

Well N connected instantly with "Todd". I could see a twinkle in her eye when he first appeared on the screen. After about 15 minutes, she noticed that his speech was a little delayed, so she asked me why he talked a little differently. I told her that he was just special, that's all. Not thinking anything about it, she replied...."He sure is".....and then with the sweetest little grin, she added "He also is cute"

She had her eyes intently fixed on Todd, everything about him...scene by scene. She would curl up in a ball, wrapped in blankets and a smile wouldn't leave her face for the whole 2 hours! At the end of the movie....she told me that she had something to tell me. I thought I had an idea on what is was going to be. But she took me for a loop with this....

She told me "Mom, you know how you told me that God promises to bring the perfect someone in my life to marry? Well I think mine is Todd. No, I know it is Todd. He is perfect for me. I don't care that is he special....that makes it better! I am going to write a letter to him and let him know. Btw, can we watch that movie again?"

My heart swelled looking at her sweet eyes. So sincere. So innocent. So full of a pure love for someone else, based on looking in their heart.....rather than their outward appearance.

I gave her a big hug and we grabbed some paper for that letter.

I was torn on how to handle the reality of her distinguishing between actor and character. I didn't want to be the big mean mother who crashes her dreams, but I also didn't want her to be disappointed if/when she saw him playing some polar opposite role in an another up and coming movie.

So I decided to just ask her if she realized that this was a movie and compared it to the show, iCarly. She knows that actress, Miranda Cosgrove plays Carly. She said that she did understand and we then went to look up Noel Fisher online. We needed to find out if there was a fan club of some sort for her to send her letter. When the image search came up, there were photos of him looking quite different and that was a little upsetting to N. She couldn't understand why he would change his hair when she loved it the way it was. Again, I tried to gently explain that he might have needed to change it for a new movie...

.....because he was an actor.

I was getting a little concerned, until what came next out of her mouth. As she was frantically clicking through the images to find a shot of "Todd", she noticed that in most of his photos, he was wearing a cross....she said. "Oh, I totally know he is the one for me......look! He loves God too!"

It was then, that the fact if she really understood the whole actor/character was not important anymore. I needed to let her go with her heart with this. Why would I crush her spirit or her faith that God would find a way for her dream to happen?

I emailed Hallmark and shared N's story along with the request for an address to mail her letter to. Surprisingly, we got a reply within hours from a very nice woman, Ellen, who thought it was precious and gave us Noel's agent's contact information. She also said that Noel was a really sweet guy and would love to hear from her.

Here is her letter. We included some photos of her with her animals along with her marriage proposal.


Dear Todd,
My name is Nevy. I really loved your movie. We have alot in common. We both love animals, Christmas and God. We would make a good couple. I am 7 so I know will will have to wait to get married. I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
Love, N


She wanted to add that there was a house down the street for sale and that he could move there until she was old enough to marry him, but unfortunately she ran out of room on her paper.

My little girl taught me so much with this.....not only about the beauty of loving people for what is on the inside, but also to have that child-like faith that God will always provide as He promises.

God, I pray that I keep the faith even when my hopes and dreams seem a little far-fetched or unrealistic. Remind me that nothing is impossible with you, Lord.

I hope this finds you with the joy of the Season in your heart.

Peace and love~
~*Michelle~*

Peace to All who Enter.....

.......and God's Grace to those who depart.

(*handmade wreath created by my son Ezra yesterday)

**I know there are some conflicts over the peace sign in Christianity, my son made this on his own with the concept of true peace in his heart.....

Are you there God? It's me....Nev

OK, so this isn't about my daughter asking about training bras or any pre-pubescent body changes....thankfully we haven't gotten there yet. (hopefully you all remember that book or I completely lost you with my first sentence. Usually that only happens by my second or third paragraph of rambling)

No, this is about my little girl who for the first time, had her first test of faith and questioned God.

It all started out this past Sunday morning. Not sure if it was a combination of a candy hangover from the night before and/or how toasty it was to stay in my flannel sheets that extra hour, but I had a hard time waking up and getting a start on the day. It was one of those mornings where there was a little frost on the ground which made it even more difficult to think about getting out of bed. But we knew we had to.....so Josh and I struck a deal. He would go out and take care of the animals, I would make breakfast and get everyone up for church. I think I scored on that deal.

So as I am starting to make coffee....the phone rings. It's Josh calling me from the barn. He says....."Uh, I think you better come out here". From many past experiences....that usually is not a good thing.

I threw on his construction boots and a sweatshirt and ran to the barn. When I flew open the door, what I saw was not pretty. One of our bunnies had a litter of six babies and they were all strewn about the cage frozen and lifeless. I was in complete shock because..... let me let you in on something. We were under the impression that Snowball was a male. And (s)he didn't even appear to be any fatter these past few weeks....not to mention, we just put her/him in a cage a while back separate from our other bunny, Hershey.

You see......we are in the habit letting all our animals, including the bunnies, be "free range". Well my neighbor came over a few weeks back and told us that although he didn't care about our chickens going over for a visit.....the bunnies were pretty much torturing his dogs. Come to find out, he trains his dogs for hunting with rabbits and it was getting a little difficult to reason with two Labradors and let them know that these were not the rabbits they have been trained to chase and catch. So when our bunnies would hang out in his driveway and the dogs were starting to shred the screens in his windows trying to get out.....he thought it might be time to let us know.

So getting back to the baby bunnies.....My first words were "Oh my God!".....Josh's first words were "How did this happen??" I didn't have time to give Josh the lowdown on reproduction...so I just gave him that look instead. You know....the one-eyebrow-raised and chin-tucked-back look.

Josh then said....."Oh man,I think they are all dead....feel them, they are frozen" And sure enough, they all were like ice cubes. As I started picking them up one by one, I couldn't figure out why Snowball didn't tend to them and/or prepare a nest.

As I was picking one up I noticed that one moved it's mouth a bit.....I screamed, "This one is still alive!". So I scooped them all up and tucked them in the pockets of my sweatshirt and ran back in the house.

I yelled down to Nev to wake up and that I needed help. She came out all groggy.....her hair looked like a rat's nest and her eyes were barely open. I told her to get the heat lamp quick....she took one look at these little creatures that resembled naked mole rats and dashed off to find the lamp. As she is scrambling she is asking what they were. I told her that Snowball had these babies and we are trying to save them. She brings over the lamp, her eyes are now as big as saucers and says...."But I thought that Snowball was a boy".

"Yeah, you and me both" I replied.

We started our best efforts at bunny CPR and got three to start breathing on their own. The other three didn't stand a chance. After about 5 minutes, one of the three just couldn't keep up with breathing and passed as well.

So we had two alive. Now we had to figure out how to keep them alive. Baby bunnies do not thrive well without their mom. Even though we researched and found out that mama bunnies are not like chickens and sit on their young.....they make a nest, leave the babies to keep each other warm and only feed them once a day. Sounds like someone should call the Dept. for Child Protection if you ask me.

We grabbed one of our many critter cages and made the most comfy warm nest we could and laid them in it. Of course I had nothing in the house to feed them.....I had since tossed the kitten replacement formula from our last rescue mission with those baby rats. (which coincidentally was around Nov. 1st of last year.......hmmmmmmm)

We got them settled in and needed to finish getting ready for church. Nev wanted to bring them but I told her that it was way too cold outside for them to stay in the car. Apparently she wanted to bring them into church and her class.......possibly an altar call for healing? I convinced her that God would keep an eye on them when we were gone and that after church we would take a trip to Tractor Supply (my version of a being a kid in a toy store) and grab some formula for them. Heck, if the mom only feeds them once a day as newborns.....surely they can wait a few hours.

We came back from church and got them started on their milk. I have to tell you that my little girl is like Elly May Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies. Seriously.....you'll never see her out in the yard without a chicken tucked under her arm or some critter following her around. She is just a natural at taking care of animals and they sense it.

She jumped right into heating up the milk and feeding them with a syringe. Then she tossed a few hand towels in the dryer to warm them up and then wrapped them with their full bellies. It was looking pretty good for these two little guys. (or gals....like I have any clue!)

She did the night-time feeding and tucked them into bed that night.

When I woke up Monday morning....I went to check on them. I saw one out of the blanket nest and it was on it's back. I picked it up and it was ice cold. I tried to rub it to see if I could give it a little "heart jump start" but it remain lifeless. Unfortunately, it must have wandered out and couldn't find it's way back to the other one and got too cold. The other little one was curled up nice and warm, thankfully!

I had to break the news to Nev when she woke up. Another thing I have to tell you about Nev is that growing up on a little farm teaches more than responsibility for children. It also teaches some hard lessons about life (and the circle of it). I am also thankful that she doesn't equate death with saying goodbye forever. She always talks of seeing all her pets/friends in Heaven and how they are happy and healthy there.

But this time, she had this confused look....she said "I don't get it. Before I went to bed, I prayed to God. I thanked Him for sending us these bunnies. I told Him that I understood that some had to go right back to Heaven to be with Him.....and I prayed that He would keep the two we had safe and healthy. Why would He do this? Maybe He wasn't listening to me."

*gulp*

I tried to explain....as best as I could.....that even when we pray for certain things, sometimes God has different plans. It doesn't mean that He is not listening or does not want us to be happy. We just have to trust that He has a plan and purpose for everything, even when we don't understand and/or are disappointed.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. ~Isaiah 55:8

Of course....this convicted me. Sometimes...well OK...MOST of the time....my prayers can be like "prescription" prayers where I act as if God is going to "fill it" exactly as it is ordered. The true test is still believing, praying and trusting in Him even when He doesn't "fill" those prayers.

My heart leaped when Nev passed this test. After I explained it all, as best as I could, she sat there for a minute, holding our last little bunny in her hand. She held it close to her own nose and stared at it's little face......"Well I guess God wants it to be just me and you, little guy.....let's go have some breakfast"

I pray that I may be more like Nev......accepting God's will for me and my life, no matter if the circumstances are not always what I want/pray for them to be. Give me that child-like faith that releases me from the bondage of doubt and disappointment.

I will leave you with this prayer/poem I found. It was written by Claudia Minden Weisz (a mom of a Rett Syndrome child)

And God Said No

I asked God to take away my pride. And God said "No".
He said it was not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. And God said "No".
He said her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. And God said "No".
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. And God said "No".
He said He gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain. And God said "No".
He said suffering draws me apart from worldly cares and brings me closer to Him.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. And God said "No".
He said I must grow on my own. But He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. And God said "No".
He said He will give me life, that I may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
And God said "Ah, finally you have the idea!"

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

***EDITED TO ADD: At 7:30 tonight we discovered that our last little bunny passed away and is joining it's siblings in Heaven. Nev is heartbroken as you can imagine. We just said a prayer as she held him crying about how we did our best to keep it alive, but it just wasn't enough. I reminded her that God was very proud of her for the way she loves animals and always is there to care for them. If you have a moment.....please say a little prayer for Nev.

"All things work together for GOOD"

Wow, it's been a few days since I've been able to sit and jot down more random thoughts. We've been pretty busy these past few days. I've got some good news to share and then top it off with an AMEN.

So as you know.....we are into the whole country fair thing. This weekend there was a nice local one, that actually is the oldest in the US (or so says the signs). Anyway, the kids entered their chickens and some arts and crafts. They also had an educational poster exhibit contest where the kids could enter an educational display that would be shown in the designated livestock barn(s).

I thought this would be a great thing to do because I really felt like we slacked in any type of homeschooling this summer. I know summer is summer.....but I thought I might try to do a couple days of schooling a week just to keep up a little learning pace, rather than needing a jumpstart this fall. Even with great intentions....we never opened a textbook. So I was excited that this would ease us back into it all.

At first, this idea was met with great resistance with Little Miss N.....hence why I wanted to keep the wheels somewhat spinning on the homeschooling. I explained how she might win a ribbon and show all the other 6 year olds how smart she was with her vast knowledge of chickens.....being competitive like her mama (ahem, in a healthy way for the most part).....N anxiously agreed.

She decided to do her poster on Frizzle chickens. I thought it came out pretty cute.....we did a few lift-the-flap question/answers and printed out photos of Frizzles that she placed randomly on the board. I wasn't sure if she went overboard with the craft feathers, but apparently not as we found out she won FIRST place! The prize was $100!!!! She was most excited about the blue ribbon status....until her brother told her about the prize amount (which I wanted to stuff a sock in his mouth when he blurted *that* out). Having no conception on how much $100 actually is, her eyes grew as big as saucers and she shrieked about how she could by the Lil Webkinz stuffed animal that she has been wanting "all her entire life". *sigh*

And although inside I was giggling with excitement myself about her winning and doing the MC Hammer "Can't touch this" dance (am I showing my age???).....I composed myself and explained to her that A: entering that contest wasn't supposed to be about winning and the money, it was supposed to be a nice learning experience.....and B: it was a lesson about how hard work pays off. Then I reminded her that she has been wanting to add to our herd of dairy goats, and now she might be able to buy a new baby goat with her winnings if she wanted to.

She thought about it and then calculated that she might be able to get both the new baby goat and that toy. Gotta give her credit....she was looking on how to capitalize and get the best return her winnings.

So even before her winning check cleared, we decided to look around and see who had what in the goat biz. We have always been looking around, but we have been super cautious about what we bring home. If you haven't read our Job story here (Job 1:21) and then here (Job 42:10) .....please do. It will make the following information make alot more sense. OK......I'll wait.

All set? Great! So.....we found an ad on Craigslist and decided to call on it. We spoke to a very nice woman and decided that we'd like to take a peek at what she had. Josh jotted down her address and get this....plugged it into the GPS that I bought him for his birthday. Knowing we weren't going to end up in East JaPeePee traveling through the boonies because Heaven forbid he'd ever stop for directions was a blessing in itself. It already felt like it was going to be a great day!

So When we pulled in their yard, I will be honest and thought that this might not have been a good idea as the place was a little run down. And by run down, I mean multiple cars on blocks, a barn with half the roof missing and piles of debris scattered randomly on the property.

And I hope I am not sounding like a total snot.....I just have my reservations about getting any animal from any farm especially if there is a risk of disease from neglected conditions. We've just had our share of "the goat version of chicken pox" and other contagious diseases that require us to visit the vet costing us more than the goat itself. So I am trying not to judge based on first impressions. Believe me, we have a pile of fencing, tires, dirtbike frames and a broken canopy tent in the corner of our yard that screams hillbilly hick. :)

So the woman came out and was very nice. You know when you get a good vibe from someone? She just had a honest and humble look in her eye. She explained that they were just looking to get out of the responsibility of the goats, she was overwhelmed with life. She was a single mom, raising her children on her own for the past 28 years. One of her daughters lived with her with her own children. Their home appeared to need some serious repair itself. It was obvious that the sale of the goats would relieve them of taking care of one less thing.....as well as help with their finances.

When she went in to get her daughter.....I felt a little convicted and the need to ask God for forgiveness for my first impression opinion. Lord knows *I* was run down in dire need of repair at many times in my life and I thank God that He didn't go by first impressions and run the other way!

At that time, it became apparent to me that God has this orchestrated and I was to follow His lead.

They took us around back of the barn and saw this small herd of adorable little goats. They were very sweet, friendly and appeared to be healthy. The daughter came around to join us and had all the health records/vaccinations up to date and very organized in a folder.....which was reassuring.

Josh and I decided to go off and discuss what we thought about it all, we talked it over....said a little prayer and went back to talk to the woman. We told her that we were interested in two of the doelings and one mama.....and asked what she would like for them.

Guess what she came up with........

.....
.....
.....
.....

Yup, $200!

Now normally we are not in the position to be spending $200 on farm animals. But we are looking at this as an investment for the future (as they are all females...breeding).....


Now here is another wild thing to add to this:

Yesterday morning......and actually the reason we first were on Craigslist, we listed E's IKEA loft bed and wardrobe on Craigslist because he is outgrowing it. So I took a few photos and whipped up an ad. Not even ten minutes after I posted it, I received an email from someone who has been searching for this particular set since it has been discontinued last year. We sold it last night for.................$200.

Praise God and this blessed $200 that seems to be present in our lives lately......I believe it really helped out that woman and her family and we have new additions to our home.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose. " ~Romans 8:28

Just wanted to share with you.......how great is our God!?!?!? And also one last shout out to how proud we are of our little girl....hard work does pay off!!!

OK, I hope you are having a great start to your week......I am off to check on our little ones. :)

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

Talk me off this Cliff!

OK.....so maybe I am being a little dramatic......but do you ever get overwhelmed with your list of things to do that you feel like that sometime?

It's not like I have a major assignment with that multi-million dollar account due for the corporate office. Or that I am responsible for the state's budget and hold thousands of people's jobs in my hands.

It's just a bunch of things/responsibilities that seem to have crept up on me and WHAM.....they are on my back, in my face and poking at my ribs.

Some of these things could have been handled over the course of the summer.....and I take full responsibility for letting them slide. In my defense.....I feel that the few weeks we actually get of summer are better spent enjoying them as much as possible rather than keeping up with a "to-do" list.

Some of these things are time sensitive, others are not. Some come up sporadically, others I have had enough time to prepare.....but dropped the ball, admittedly so.

Another "in my defense" thing is that not only do I have all my kids' different schedules and running around.....there are very few nights where we don't have 2-3 or more extra kids here. I often wake up to this scene.....finding bodies where ever they decide to crash.Most of the time it is my older boys' friends so that presents the issue of needing to grocery shop twice as much. Try having to keep up with the appetites of four 6'2" and up giants. I swear they all have tape worms. One afternoon they ripped through 1.5 gallons of milk, two boxes of cereal, a loaf of bread, a pound of turkey, 1/2 pound of deli cheese, two bags of chips, 2 loaves of zucchini bread and a half case of spring water. I won't even tell you what we spent at the local pizza place for dinner. Let's just say that their jobs are secure for at least the rest of the month.

With that said.....I am completely blessed and wouldn't have it any other way. I love that our house is "the house" that kids love to be and feel at home to raid my cupboards.

I also am, as I have mentioned countless times, severely ADD impaired and sometimes find it hard to find my way out of a wet paper bag. My organization skills are pretty much non-existent and that is the main curse with this situation. So basically the visual is the little chores/task start collecting at my ankles, then more responsibilities start to pile on causing me to be a little bound at the knees. I try to start wiggling my way and tending to the knee high tasks.......get distracted and before I know it I am waist deep with random projects that need attention. Then that front end loader shows up with larger, more labor intensive projects and I find myself suffocating, frustrated and beaten down.

And I think that is my main concern......feeling beaten down. Kinda like a frustrated failure. I mean, I know I am not a failure.....but this feeling of being bound is so discouraging and I know part of it is the enemy speaking it into me and my spirit. He wants me to feel that way.

He tries to tell me that "See....you kept it "fun" all summer and now look at you. You are a mess. Who is the good mom now?!.....you can't even get your own act together, how are you going to lead and care for your children and family like this? You can't even take care of your own day to day agenda.....nevermind life!" Then he gives on last low blow.....he loves to remind us of all our shortcomings and ugly past......"You were a complete mess before and think you have it all together now in your life......but you don't. Once a mess, always a mess."

So yeah....that's not a fun place to be. The only good thing about having ADD is that something else will come soon enough to distract me......maybe a butterfly or a funny commercial.....and I move on. But it stays tucked away in my mind and it seems to be a place that is revisited more often lately.

Anyway........yesterday, I was dropping off one of the kids that took up residence at our place for the weekend.....and I got a phone call reminding me of yet another obligation. My brain started racing and I felt I was in that choke-hold position again. Fortunately I was driving so I couldn't run in my bedroom and hide under the covers and wish it away (not that I ever do that!). But right when I was getting to get prepared for a new and improved pity party (remember, I am the "hostest with the mostest" on those kind of parties) a certain song came on the radio.

Now I will say that I have heard this song before and being honest....I didn't really care for it. I mean, it was OK.....but I thought it was kinda too commercial for what I usually listen to. But I am guessing God wanted me to fine tune my "listening" ears and really hear these lyrics. The song is Free to be Me by Francesca Battistelli.

I found the video and posted the lyrics....at first I was thinking about singing it for you, but she does a much better job. (and I didn't want to break any of your best crystal, start the neighborhood dogs a-howling or your ears to possibly bleed)

I think the two lines that spoke to me the most (and brought me to tears with my hormonal self) are:

On my own I'm so clumsy but on Your shoulders I can see I'm free to be me

and

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me that I've got all You seek

So here you go.....(don't forget to pause my player)....






At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe...



So yeah.....it def. spoke to me and reminded me that God loves me exactly the way He made me.....even when I am dis-combobulated (not sure if that is a word) and all. He has great plans for me and as long as I am seeking Him.....I am a winner.

Now I am going to step back from this mountain of chaos and with the help of prayer, start tackling it piece by piece. I made a list last night and so far.....even at 8:30 this morning, have already cross off two items......only 47 more to go! WOOT!

Have a beautiful day!
xox
*~Michelle~*

Evolution of Beauty

This video has been out for a couple years....but it seems to be circulating around again. Please take a little over a minute and watch..........(you might have to pause my music player if it automatically plays)

OK........I'll wait.



So what did you think?

(I personally think she looks just as pretty, if not prettier before...but that's just me)

This especially hits home for me, having a little girl who is going to be growing up in a world where society, media and even our own mirrors can taint self image.

Even though I have no doubt that N will be very well prepared in life with three older brothers and an over-protective father, a constant reminder of her beauty.....inside and out....is so important. Now, I will tell you......she can hold her own on our little farm wrangling goats, lugging bales of hay and shoveling out stalls. She's getting to be a pretty good shot with her bow and arrow....as she is determined to be the "fisher cat slayer". She is a beautiful blend of compassion and sensitivity with I can and will kick-yer-butt if I have to.

So every night, Josh talks to her as she is falling asleep and tells her that she is beautiful......he also tells her that is smart, strong, funny, responsible, and loving. And yes.....he stresses over and over that she is beautiful.

Why? Well when the time comes that she is able to date......oh, let me back that up. When the time comes that a guy can make it up our driveway, pass the 120 pound Rottweiler.....then get to the door where he will be greeted by not one, but three older brothers who will have a field day with this poor guy for the first half hour. Then he will have to have a nice heart to heart talk with the gun cleaning crazy-eyed dad..... with his shaved head and goatee. Josh also has plans to have N's heartbeat pattern tattooed around his upper arm. We have it printed from when she got hooked up to one of those EKG machines in an ambulance on a field trip one time. Anyway, Josh thought it would make a cool tattoo......so I am sure that breaking her heart will get worked into the conversation.

So Josh's plan is that when she is finally allowed to date........I am guessing at about 25.......she will not fall head over heels for the first guy that sweet talks her and tells her she is beautiful. He hopes that when that time comes.....she will be completely un-phased by the compliment and say......"yeah, yeah...I know......that's all you've got?"

We also want her to know that the Bible also tells us about what kind of beauty is worth having.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" ~1 Peter 3:3-4

Real beauty is found in God. And God doesn't focus on our outward appearance. It is what's on the inside that matters most to Him. God's main focus is on working on our inner beauty. He wants this inner beauty to be reflected in everything we do and what we are.

So besides the whole beauty is skin deep deal....we hope that N...... and our boys as well....... love themselves just the way God made them. This world is scary.....it is full of lies and deceit with magazine covers, TV "role models".....even spending an afternoon at the mall. We can do our part as parents by setting limits/boundaries on the exposure of media.....stay involved with their circle of friends.....but we can only do so much as we live in a fallen world. We must trust and pray. Pray that we teach them what is the most important things to focus on.....and trust that God will always protect them (physically and emotionally).

I heard this quote before and I think that now that N is reading......I am going to tape it on her mirror in her room. In fact, I think I might make a few copies and put them on all the mirrors.

I believe in me, because God believes in me and God don’t make no junk!

I hope this finds you smiling....smiling because you, too...... were uniquely made for a purpose. And God has great plans for you.....just the way you are. :)

*~Michelle~*

ps. thank you all so much for all your input/advice/wisdom with my recent situation. I cannot wait to dig deep with The Word and see what is revealed to me. You all ROCK!

If you have two coats, give one away (re-run)

(originally posted in Dec '08)

So the other night, we read about Abram and how he obeyed God's command and had to take a pretty unpleasant trip across the desert. I think that story can hit home to many of us sometimes. Sometimes we just don't feel like doing "the right thing".....sometimes we flat out refuse. I know I am totally guilty of this....but I also know that God promises us that we will be rewarded when we do what He asks us to do. It may not be a financial blessing or even a direct answer to the things/situations we pray for....but we should trust that He knows what we need, when we need it.

So last week, my pastor talked about how Jesus told the Pharisees that they should host a feast and not invite all their peers, leaders and "higher up" friends. These people could always repay them for their efforts. No, they should invite the cripple, lame and poor.....people who could never repay them for the feast.......but their reward would come in other ways. Not so sure that the Pharisees listened.....but this concept def. intrigued me. It's true.....we often go the extra mile in gift giving for people, who let's face it......don't really need "stuff", ykwim? I mean, it's nice to get someone a present for Christmas, but sometimes we really start going overboard with wracking our brain to buy a gift for that "person who has everything" or "is hard to buy for". And quite frankly......most of the time, that person really isn't super impressed or ends up returning it. It's so much easier to just pick out anything (not really putting any thought or effort) for people who aren't really as close to us, and we do it just to follow through on a tradition or obligation.

He also talked about how Jesus told people that if they had two coats, give away one. So if we try to work this into "our" day.....this would probably mean, if you have 6-8 coats......give away at least 2-3. I mean, how many coats do we really need? He also talked about how when we give to the poor.....we are really giving to Jesus. So not to pick that old '80s-style fringed leather coat that is crammed in the back of your closet and pass it along to the needy (yes, I was an 80s girl and had a fantastic fringed coat.....along with a rocking pair of spandex! *shudder*......and a little fyi.....I don't think that style will ever come back.....so it's time to let go, dude).

Would we pick out something that isn't even suitable for us, and give it to Jesus?? No, we should pick out our two favorite coats.....keep the #2 choice, and pass on the #1. Jesus (a.k.a. the poor) deserves our best.

So trying to apply this lesson in our house......I suggested to N that we should go through her toys and pick out a few of her favorites and give them away. So she came to me with the rattiest of her My Little Pony collection. These were the ones who had about four strands of fiber left on their manes and tails. I looked her in the eyes and asked her if these were truly her favorites. She got all teary eyed, looked towards the wall and the convo went like something like this:

N: yes, mom.....they are! I love these so much!

Me: (obviously not very convinced): are you sure?

N: yes, I love these so much! (still looking at the wall)

Me: So if I asked you to give a special toy to Jesus, this is what you think He deserves?

N: well, no. (looking down and lip starting to quiver)

Me: remember, when I told you that you should feel lucky enough that you have so many nice things to choose from to give to someone who might not have any. You surely can find a much nicer Pony for them. Pretend you are giving it to Jesus.

N: (still reluctant, but feeling as convicted as a six year old can get) OK

She returns with one of her newest Ponies and hands it to me.....she didn't have a spirit of happiness surrounding her that I was hoping for. But being realistic in this situation, I was thankful that she didn't have a white knuckle grasp on it when handing it to me. I did hear her make a comment as she was walking away about how Jesus probably doesn't even play with My Little Ponies anyway.

So then Josh came home this morning after running out for a coffee and mentioned how the Marine Corps was doing a collection this morning for *new* toys at the State Police station. He asked if I had anything we could give. I instantly thought about the financial crunch we are in, and said no. Funny how God can poke you in the memory bank and remind me of the 2 Webkinz I scored at a sidewalk sale this past summer. I stashed them away for friends' children, but then thought about the Pharisee reference. My friends kids are far from underprivileged and I could still go out and get them something else.

Then it dawned on me. Perfect time for another "lesson" for N too. (see, I am always multi-tasking and taking advantage of what life presents me!)

I wanted her to see the "giving brings reward" in a six year old level of comprehension. Not sure if what I did was the best way.....but I never claim to not screw up from time to time.

So I called her into my room, and explained that I had two new Webkinz in this bag. Her eyes lit up like saucers...."for me????" she giggled with excitement. "No......but one will be for you and I am going to let you choose which one can go to *the sick kids*" (that is what she refers to any charity).
I told her that she could have the Webkinz now, but she would not be able to log on the computer and do all the stuff these kids do with online "pets" until Christmas. (btw, I wish I was the genius who thought about taking a $1.99 stuffed animal, assigning a "code" to it, create a very simple program/website and turn around and sell them at $14.99 a pop. unreal.) She surprised me and agreed to all the terms laid out. I reminded her about how when you give a little.....you recieve too. And how because she was willing to give someone something that she would have wanted to keep....she would be blessed with her own reward. Again, not so sure if that was the healthiest way to reiterate that lesson, but it's what I went with.
She did innocently have a good question as we handed it to the Marines......."if those kids are so poor that they live in boxes (we had talked about homeless families as well).....how are they going to have a computer and internet? Maybe we should buy them a computer too"

I told her I would have to think about that one......;)

Well I hope this finds you well......maybe this weekend would be a great time to go through closets and make up a bag for your local shelter. (*remember no spandex) I bet they would even appreciate some of your extra Christmas decorations to brighten up their temporary living space. We don't always know what happened in their lives to bring them where they are.....and it's not our place to ask (judge). It's our place to just do what is right. We are promised to receive great blessings in ways we cannot even imagine.....

peace and love~
~*Michelle*~

Country Fairs and Woodstock for Jesus!!!!!!

Nothing shouts summer in the country more than country fairs.......We pretty much spent the entire weekend having a blast at our local Old Home Days fair where the kids showed their chickens and entered good old fashion contests like pie eating, floral arranging and photography/crafts competitions. There were tractor pulls, horse shows and cow chip bingo. If you have even a small percentage of a little country hick in your blood, you know all about this kind of bingo. You buy a "deed" (square on a grid) for $10 and hope that Bessy the cow plops her first poop on your spot in a marked field for $500. Needless to say, Bessy did not leave her cow chip on plot #138, but we still left rich with memories of the weekend. :)

So grab your dark bottle of root beer, your bag of shelled peanuts and that fried dough boy and enjoy! :)


Enjoy our photos.....and I've include some shameless bragging too.

N won first place in the floral arranging contest.....she was judged even with the adult entries. The theme was "Yes we can". Funny thing, she really just plucked these random flowers from our garden, yanked the flag from our mailbox from Memorial Day.......and tied on that sparkly craft wire. Worked for us! We found out that she was two votes away from The People's Choice grand prize winner too.

Then both E and N placed 2nd and 5th with showing their chickens. They worked very hard preparing for this showmanship event. They had to study and learn all the proper names of the chicken's body parts, practice handling the chickens correctly and even get the chickens ready by giving them a bath.



There was a cock-a-doodle doo contest where we entered our two roosters. It was hilarious watching the kids cheering on their rooster trying to coax them to belt one out. And here is N talking to Tiny Tim after he didn't win the crowing competition. She told me she needed some one on one time with him to assure him that she still loved him even though they didn't win and he was still #1 to her.

(try not to note her sparkly tacky hat.....I told her she could pick out one thing under this vendors' tent and saw those obnoxious sequined hats out of the corner of my eye. I tried to redirect her path, used a Jedi Mind trick and chanted to myself, "avoid the sparkle....do not be sucked into the sparkle".......but sure enough, the sparkle caught her eye and drew her in. *sigh*


Here's E giving a little "peace" with his pal, Kevin who placed 1st in the Polish Hen division too. Kevin is actually a hen.....if you've seen the movie Up, you'll see why it's a great name.

This is a better shot of Kevin....this is one of N's photo entries captioned "Bad Hair Day?". Not too bad for a six year old with my Kodak Easy Share, huh?



She also took these two that I absolutely love....we captioned the eggs with "In the beginning....."

This one with E's special pair of Old English chicks we called "We've got your back".


OK, I'll share one last photo.......this was E's entry and it scored a 97 out of 100 possible points. He titled this "Barnyard Bliss"......it's our little doe-ling Liesel who loves to sleep in her feed bucket. He just happened to catch her at the perfect time, perfect lighting, etc.


And now we are getting the camper all loaded up and heading out to a festival that I have been waiting since last August to return.

SOULFEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only way I can describe it is it's a Woodstock for Jesus. It is the most amazing place to be.....just imagine about 100 Christian bands/artists over four days playing on a mountain! Casting Crowns, Third Day, Skillet, Newsboys, and Sanctus Real just to name a few. This will be our third year and I cannot even explain what an awesome spiritual experience it is. There are worship services, inspirational speakers like this guy, skateboard ministries and all types of exhibits.

The first year we went, we had only bought tickets for a one day trip, but when we walked through the gates and saw about a hundred tents pitched going up the mountain, I was floored! We then knew that we would be camping the whole week for all future Soulfests.

Camping on a mountain with thousands of Believers celebrating Jesus Christ for four days straight......this is our ultimate vacation.

So today I am packing, cleaning and preparing......and will be off first thing tomorrow morning. The trip is only about three hours which is perfect because I am not a big road trip person. Actually 4 hours is my limit in a car pretty much. I would rather repeatedly slam my hand in a car door than be driving any longer than that. Since we are taking two cars, Josh is towing camper and I will be in the trusty minivan.....I will need to be prepared for this journey. I have tons of goodies packed including Twizzlers, Doritos and Crystal Light. (like the "Light" makes a difference, right?.....hey, it's vacation time!). I am going to be jotting down all the K-LOVE stations to get my Jesus praise on. I am unable to listen to any of my own CDs because one of my sweet children stuck a juju bean in my CD player before the ink even dried at the car dealership. nice.

As much as I know I will want to blog about the amazing things I will be experiencing this week coming up......this is a nice way for me to unplug and focus on God and my family that He has blessed me with.

Last year, we just got the camper and everything all set up. My son G and I were sitting by the campfire and he looked up and noticed how the sky was completely filled with stars. Now, we live in the boonies and catch some decent starry nights but usually it is just a few minutes of gazing up and then the mosquitoes start taking chunks out of us and we go in. We were blessed, not only be able to sit in awe of this gorgeous diamond mine in the sky......but there was not a single mosquito around.

So as we were just taking it all in......we saw, not one......but three shooting stars all within seconds of each other. It was like God was giving us a little "welcome to my world" message. Totally cool.

That was the beginning to a week's worth of God after God experiences. Everything from people falling slain in the spirit during Toby Mac to powerful healings to people just unplugging from the world and reconnecting to Jesus.

If you ever have a Soulfest type festival near you......I encourage you to attend one. You will leave a different person, I promise.

So I decided to schedule some posts this week while I am refueling, relaxing and rejoicing. I thought it might be entertaining to repost a few of my older posts every couple of days just incase you feel like popping back in my world. Kinda like when I did the Rainy Day Monday post......These were posted when I had about 3 readers (as opposed to my tens of readers now) and again.....two were Josh and I. So I thought you might enjoy them as a rerun. :)

So for now.......I hope this finds you smiling and well.....and enjoying the SONshine every day.

Peace, love and stay barefoot~
*~Michelle~*

It's a Sunny Rainy Day Monday

So over in Shark Bait's world, he started this pretty cool "meme/carnival" where you re-run one of your older posts (or one of your faves from another bloggin buddy) that you feel is deserving of saving/bring back for a rainy day. So today, although it is finally sunny here in New England.....I am diving in (no pun intended) with Shark Bait's Rainy Day Monday fun and sharing one of my earlier posts. I am secretly hoping that it gets more attention today because when I originally posted it back in November '08, I only had 3 subscribers, one being me....one being Josh. So now that I have tens of readers......let's see how it goes. Maybe I'll even get a few more people to subscribe if they make it to the end of the post without falling asleep. (that is a not-so-subtle shameless hint that I need a confidence boost.....such as seeing I have a new subscriber or two *wink)

*********************************************************************

Patience through Puzzles

Patience is not one of my strongest attributes.....but I am working on it ;)






Well, I am pretty patient in day to day stuff... such as

• allowing kids to cook/bake in the kitchen, no matter how much flour is getting under the stove's heating elements. I even exercise more patience when the spilled milk makes it seep into places I will never reach to clean.
• getting up over a dozen times during one TV show to wiggle the cable connection back in place.
• asking H, over the course of a week (or two), when his bedroom will finally not look like a bomb went off in it.....only to hear each time, "I'm working on it, Mom".
• waiting for this 100 pound "puppy" to stop chewing anything and everything that isn't moving (unless he catches it)
• waiting for the house-cleaning fairy to make her appearance at our house....along with the Publishers Clearing House people ;)
  
• this list could go on forever, but I'll stop here
  

But one thing I really need help is in patience to know where God wants me.....It's hard to explain, but I just feel that I am supposed to be doing "more" or going in a different direction for a purpose. It's so frustrating because on top of juggling family life, homeschooling, working p/t and tending to my two small online businesses....I also have a waiting list for "the back burner".

• I have a children's book in draft form, that has been staring at me for over three years. I did get a good portion of the illustrations done this year, but now.....those paintings are sitting on top of the dusty pages of the story.
• I have a project that I would love to start that has to do with sending (or better yet....hand delivering) boxes of my tie dye tees to Malawi or another less fortunate nation. I just think that tie dye can brighten anyone's day. :)
• Josh and I would love to start a venue for youth to enjoy live Christian music and preaching and incorporate it with skateboarding, bmx and other sporting events in our area.
• another list that can go on.....and on......and it does.... in my brain.
  

I know that these ideas are doable and can happen in time. But it's so frustrating to have your brain and heart wanting to invest time/energy and go in a certain direction, but waiting and needing some word of advice from God. Waiting on the confirmation that it is where He wants me to go. I am not one of those people who are fortunate enough to clearly hear God talking to them. I wish I was, because it would make this so much easier for me.
But, I do know that God puts desires and dreams in our heart. So I need to rely on Him to bring them to fruition if it is His will.....I have to trust in His perfect plan and perfect timing

....but sometimes, I feel like a kid stamping my feet and whining "I just want it NOW!!"

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." (Habakkuk 2:3 NLT)

So I did a search at Blue Letter Bible for patience and came across that passage.......and just by re-reading it, I am finding some answers right now. As I pour out these thoughts, I need to have patience like Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Joseph and the many great heroes in the Bible. Time after time their stories show us that patience is a virtue and is rewarded.

So yes, I need to work harder on patience. I decided to buy myself a puzzle. I often give N a 100 piece puzzle as part of her homeschooling downtime. It helps her with problem solving and gives her a great sense of accomplishment when she sits back and sees the completed puzzle. It also has a calming effect on her, as she sits quietly and just focuses on "finding a match".

So I thought it would be a great way for me to wind down, work on my patience and hope to find a peaceful quiet time in the day. I hoped it would even get quiet enough in my head so I could hear God's soft sweet whisper that I have been longing to hear.

So I broke out that puzzle last night.........Life has been so busy for me this week, that I decided that we were all going to hang in on a Friday night for once. Josh was working so it was just me and the kids. I opened the puzzle box and dumped the pieces on the table......At first I had to talk myself out of just walking away/giving up as I felt overwhelmed just flipping over every piece.....750 of them. Starting to feel anxious, I regrouped and started working on the "flat edges" (because that is how you are supposed to, right?). After about an hour, I finished one whole side! (I know that doesn't seem like such a feat, but for me to sit still for an hour in itself is a victory)......so completing just one side of a puzzle felt so gratifying. I was brought back to the image of N's face when she proudly finishes her puzzles.....and it felt so good!

So then, it hit me.......I didn't necessarily hear God "talk" to me, but He revealed to me something I have been searching for, while I working on the puzzle. I thought about how sometimes life seems so disorganized and overwhelming in the rush of it all, but if we just take our time, relax and go with it.....after a few different attempts....the pieces will soon fit together.

One thing I did hear during my quest in Puzzle-Land......was all four of my healthy children talking in our living room. And then, one by one......they joined in on working on it with me. For that short time, there was no background buzz of the TV, there was no screaming music coming from the computer speakers (but it's hardcore Christian, mom!) and no bickering. It was almost a Beaver Cleaver moment, HA!

And it was then that it hit me.....again ( a double dose of enlightenment).....*this* is where God wants me right now....home with my kids enjoying the moment. He reminded me that there are many women who would love to be doing puzzles with their children in their home, rather than in the hospital. Many women would love to have the luxury of doing a puzzle, rather than working 12-14 hours a day trying to pay the rent.....many women would rather be doing a puzzle rather than making funeral arrangements for a loved one.

Point being......my life is truly blessed and fulfilling just the way it is, and sometimes I just need to be reminded of with the simplicity of doing a puzzle. (I have to mention that the word simple and a 750 piece puzzle should NOT be used in the same reference)

.....so, maybe God wants me to be right where I am, right now. Maybe he is pleased with me just trying to be the best wife and mom that I can be, trying to raise up my children to be Followers of His word, and hopefully letting His Glory shine through me whenever possible. Maybe I am not ready to take on the bigger projects I have planned........yet ;)

So I pray...... There is a purpose for my life, Lord. I will trust that you will help me to discover it, embrace it, and fulfill it for Your glory....in Your perfect timing. In Jesus Name~Amen.



OH, and lastly......speaking of patience......I will leave you with this amazing story of patience. It's almost borderline ridiculous that it is real....check it out.

Art in the Eye of a Needle


I hope you are having a peaceful weekend
xox
~*Michelle*~