welcome friends.....thanks for popping in my world....
I'd love to know you've stopped by, so please note that the comment section is now found at the title of each post.

Stubborn or Determined.....Hopeless or Hopeful?

*please note that God has interrupted this posting...
or at least I think it is Him*

So no creative way to open up this discussion.......so you know me.......I am just gonna throw it out here and ask for your advice, prayers, and whatever else you feel on your heart to share with me. And if you are a guy and talking about girlie cycle stuff makes you uncomfortable or if you get easily offended by TMI (too much information)....you might want to skip this.

Here is the dealio.

Just the facts ma'am:

It's no shocking news or secret that I would love to add another baby to our family.

We've talked about adoption, but usually that is in reference to when our children are a little older.

We have been "going with the flow" for the past two to three years "trying but not trying".......really kinda sorta "trying" the past year. Biological clock sounds like Big Ben.

Have conceived about 6-7 times in the past 2.5 years.....never made it past the 6 week mark.

All my bloodwork/initial testing shows that I am still in "good/decent fertility" zone as far as cycles, ovarian reserve, I am still ovulating regularly, etc. even at my age....which is 43. (YIKES!! when did *that* happen??!?!?) She explained that of course my age does play a factor as well as egg quality, sperm quality, uterine quality blah blah blah..... but also that 15% of infertility/losses/etc are unexplained.

We have never gone on to further testing as we have no infertility coverage.

We have given this up to God these past few years and know that it is His will. He does not care about age-related statistics and is completely capable of creating life whenever and with who's ever womb, ykwim?

Even after almost 20 years, Josh and I have a very healthy relationship (if you get my drift) and it is only getting better. Reason I am sharing that lovely information, is to confirm that we def. cover all fertile days....and then some. So yeah, after all these years of charting, temping, planning.....I know my body, I know the signs and I know when it's good baby making times.

With that said....I spoke to my doc about the possibility of getting a little boost/help. She suggested I might try Clomid and also sent me for another bit of testing this weekend. So I'll find out later today if I still have a few eggs to salvage or that they are all pretty much rotten at this point. Ya gotta know I will always add some humor.....that's how I roll. I tell Josh his sperm are swimming in circles dazed and confused.....he tells me I have dried up rotten eggs.

The struggle I find myself is this.....am I being stubborn/stupid by hanging on to what, I believe, is something that God has placed on my heart all these years? When is enough enough? When should I "let it go" and move on? Some friends have said that maybe the losses are God's way of telling me it's time to let go, it is not "working". But then I wonder, why would I conceive in the first place only to have to say good-bye so quickly? I know/believe that one reason God allows these things to happen is so that I can have compassion for others who are going through the same struggles....but OK God, I got that after loss #1 and #2.

Am I just one of those hopeless people who just lives in my own faith-filled bubble? No, I don't think I believe that anyone who puts their faith into Jesus Christ could ever have 'hopeless' as an adjective.....He is hope.

Is considering "help" taking it away from leaving God in control? Ack....I am so confused. I know ultimately God is The One who creates life...and I believe that God has His hand on every life that is conceived whether it was planned, not planned, prayed for, etc. Some couples go with fertility treatments and conceive.....others go through painful years and never do. Others conceive and then are faced with tragic losses......ultimately God is in control from the beginning to the end. He is the Author of all life.

If anyone is familiar with infertility, I would love your opinion. I have read that Clomid can actually not work with women over 40 due to the thinning of the uterine lining which naturally occurs as you age (preventing proper implantation which actually looks like it might be the case with me) so the Clomid might present more of a roadblock. Our problem isn't conceiving.....it's the "sticking" part. But then, why would my doc suggest to try it? You see? Conflicting!

Edited to add: I also feel the need to add that this is not at the level of consuming me like it did a year or so ago...with each month passing, it is easier to accept and I know that it's only by digging deep with God and His grace. I used to get devastated and angry...now it's more of just a twang of disappointment and moves me to dive deeper in prayer of thanksgiving for what I do have, rather than what I don't.

*******STOP THE PRESS********

OK if don't already think I am whacked out with my farm stories and God being involved in everything.....

But God just decided to interrupt my blogging/thoughts and you tell me if He is telling me something or please send a straitjacket in size medium.

This is just bizarre, insane and awesome.

OK, so we have an older chicken named Wanda. (we have her husband Cosmo too......if you have kids who watch Nickalodeon..... you know: Fairly Oddparents) Wanda never laid good eggs.....can you see where this is going? Her eggs always had a soft shell and eventually she stopped laying. She also is getting pretty ragged in her old age, God bless her. Most people would just toss her in a stew pot, but that is something I could never bring myself to do.

Anyway.....a few weeks ago she started to get all midlife crazy on us and started to sit on a few of the other chickens eggs. She has been sitting on them, all by herself in the chicken coop. She would not get off of them day after day and would get her feathers in a ruffle...literally.....when we tried to go near those eggs. So.....feeling her pain to have her own healthy eggs.....we decided to let her just get broody on a small amount of eggs and try to hatch them. Kinda like a surrogate chicken mama. We had no clue if they were even fertilized.

Josh told me we should just take the eggs out from underneath her before they get all smelly/rotten....but I told him that she probably just needs to feel she has a purpose and is so happy and content sitting on them, so just leave her. I am sure all the younger chickens mocked her (yeah, I am weird thinking about barnyard chattering). But this little chicken had this faith filled way about her and no-one was going to take that away from her on my farm!

S0 she has been on them.....ever so patiently and faithfully. We have been needing to bring her water and food as she would not get off them for anything. I too, started to wonder if she was just sitting on duds as we have had chickens do this before when there was no possible way of the eggs being fertile.

Guess what Josh and N just brought in...

We named this little fluffy guy, Poof. (again........Fairly Oddparents!)

So am I just a smidge away from clinically insane when I take this as a little heartwarming message from God? Am I turning into that crazy farm lady? Should I be brought to the Funny Farm? Good Lord, help me!

oh, and one last thing......As E was going to get our little baby chick habitat up and running with the heat lamp, he says "you know....we have had so much better luck with baby chicks being born naturally than with that artificial incubator". GULP.

anxiously waiting to hear your thoughts (or suggestions for a good reality check medication). You can be brutally honest.....I can take it.



Anonymous said...

1st of all, my sperm don't swim in circles, they are not dazed, they are true men through and through, they just refuse to stop and ask for directions!

2nd of all, you are not crazy

3rd of all, don't read into things so much constantly looking for the answers,,,,sometimes things are as they are with no real reason. It could actually just be that Wanda hatched and egg as chickens do.

Lastly, I love you- daddy

~*Michelle*~ said...

HAHAHHAHAHA.....how true is that about refusing to stop and ask for directions. I love you too, Babe.....

*sigh* and you know me after living with me after all these years.....I am always looking/reading into everything. I just believe God doesn't let any incident go without purpose.

I like it here in my little farm bubble world. :)

Mich said...

I think if God has laid somehting on your heart, then He will give you the strength and patience to know His timing. Who knows?!!! Look at Sarah in the Bible...age is definately not a factor for our God. Faith is.

However, if something consumes you to the point that you can not find joy without it, then you might want to backtrack and really start thinking about whether it is really God who laid the idea on your heart or just you really wanting something.

Wish I had answers for you, but sometimes it all comes down to a personal one on one, you and God. Blessings as you keep the conversation flowing between you and the Lord.

Mich said...

by the way, in answer to your question...

I'm from the south, girlfriend! Everyone down my way says my name "Mee- shell" with a twang. :)

Except my mom. She says it "Mi - shell."

~*Michelle*~ said...

and also.....a little food for thought (sorry Wanda, not referring to you as food)

Why of all possible minutes, days, etc would this happen while I was posting about this subject? I mean, come on....that baby chick could have born any other moment.... OK, maybe I do look way too deep into things.


Thanks.....I really am not consumed...in fact, with each month passing, it is easier to accept and I know that it's only by digging deep with God and His grace. Before (like a year ago) I used to get devastated and angry...now it's more of just a twang of disappointment and moves me to dive deeper in prayer of thanksgiving for what I do have, rather than what I don't.

Mercedes said...

Hi Michelle,

From one loony to another.

I obviously cannot say whether that was God speaking to you or not as only you will know that in your heart, but what I can tell you is that God has spoken to me in that very manner often.

I don't mean by a chicken laying an egg, but by an event taking place the very moment I am wrestling with a thought or decision. God does work in miraculous ways and He does speak to us in weird and wonderful ways. He is the creator of the universe after all.

I think you are wise to not let this become an obsession and to maintain a grateful attitude daily for all the blessings which you already have. And I think you are blessed indeed to have such an amazing sense of humour. If you continue to rejoice in what you have and not over-focus on what you don't, you will never be disappointed. Either way, you will be blessed!

Now, how can I learn to apply that lovely sermon on my own life????

I'm Jen. said...


I believe in you and Wanda.

~*Michelle*~ said...

awwwww thanks guys!

I just got the call from the nurse and my levels were still "acceptable" with a "decent to fair" fertility range. Doc still thinks that trying Clomid possibly next cycle would be an avenue to travel at this point....so we shall see. Josh and I will pray about it and see what God places on our hearts.

Heart2Heart said...


If God places a desire in your heart, He will make it happen. We are adding you both to our prayer list and lift your needs and desires up to Heaven. May God see the faithfulness of your heart and bless you immensely! I don't think your crazy, I think you are faithful and believe it's possible with God's help!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

~*Michelle*~ said...

Thank you so much Kat.....your prayers mean so much to me. Sometimes I think I am just this hopeless case and then I remember that God made me this way......and He doesn't make JUNK.

E @ Scottsville said...

Oh my goodness, I do NOT feel like I should have ANY say in such a matter. I don't know you well enough Michelle!

I am 36.... and all I can say is that "I" personally, having already got four beautiful healthy kids, would not go to any sort of extremes to conceive again. I would let my body (and God) decide what this body is capable of handling/doing at this point. I'd be afraid that if I force something that wasn't naturally supposed to happen, that I might be forcing a life with defects all because I wasn't content with what God had already blessed me with.

That being said, God will surely give you a peace about what is right for YOU so just pray for His guidance in how to 'advance' at this point.

You must be an amazing woman to WANT to start over again at 40+. I'm 36 and the thought of a newborn sounds great and all, but starting all over..... and all the years that come with it......

Yea, I just know I'm done. But boy am I gonna miss these 'young' days of my kiddos. I already have no BABIES in the house anymore. I already miss that part.

Praying for peace in whatever decisino you and your hubby make. =0)


~*Michelle*~ said...


Thanks so much for your insight....I asked for everyone's thoughts and appreciate it all!

So let me ask you this, because this is the issue that is weighing heavily on my heart...

My conflict is that I feel that God is in control 100% with or without "me" making any decisions with the meds. but totally know what you are talking about. Meds or not....am I "pushing" it by even trying for a baby at my age knowing the statistics and all.

Not sure how I process a baby being born with special needs would result due to me not being satisfied with my current family size. And not saying this argumentatively, AT ALL! Like I said, I wanted feedback. Just trying to go through thoughts....of course I know I am at risk for a baby with special needs, but I believe that if God has a child with special needs planned for Josh and I...then that will be our destined journey. Heaven forbid something could happen to one of our children now that would make them with needs, yk? I just don't think (or maybe I am justifying my "wants" and don't want to think) that God works that way.

I really am happy to hear all points of views and beliefs on this! Keep them coming! :)

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

I went through many years of fertility treatments and this is what I have to offer....

Be very careful about getting on the fertility treament roller coaster. Once you're on it, it's tough to get off and it can be a huge drain of emotions.

It all started with the hope of clomid for me.....and I rode that ride for the next 5 years.

Just food for thought is all I was hoping to offer.

Good luck to you..no matter what you decide to do!

momstheword said...

I don't think taking Clomid is "helping" God along anymore than taking antibiotics or Tylenol is "helping" God along. So I see nothing wrong with it.

I have taken it and there is good reason for it being called the "divorce" drug. Just know that it can be very rough with your moods and hormones, but since you expect it, you won't be surprised and it's nothing that God won't see you through.

If I were your age again (I am 51) I would try harder and be more pro-active in trying to get pregnant than I did at your age.

In our case, we did try to adopt and doors were closed (one week before he was to be ours permanently the doors closed and I was devastated and grieved for months as he was a foster child and already called us mommy and daddy, but he was returned to the other family) and I was devastated. I grieved and cried for months.

I got pg and had a m/c in my fourth month (after trying for five years) and never got pg. again.

I always just trusted the Lord that if He wanted me to conceive I would, so didn't actively pursue fertility treatments like I did with the first two kids.

After we lost our foster child I was just so upset (as I felt I lost a child) that I just never was again interested in fostering. Neither was hubby.

The years passed and I didn't get pg, didn't feel like we wanted to try foster to adopt again, and could not afford to adopt out of country or anything.

Anyway, now though I am content with no more children, but it is still a thing that does make me sad, even though I am content....does that make sense?

I just mean that I accept the Lord's plan for my life, though still wish we'd had a bigger family.

But even though I understand why we did what we did, and even though I understand that we prayed for the Lord's direction and guidance, and I understand the emotions involved and the hurt, I do wish that I had been more pro-active about having a baby, adopting, treatments, whatever, when we had the chance.

Our decisions made sense at the time giving the money situation and the things that happened, but I do regret and would love to have those years over again to do it differently.

So my answer is that you have to do what God has led you to do. He is faithful. But if I were 43 again (or however old you are because I forgot), I would pursue adopting or treatments or whatever.

I would work harder at getting the money somehow. It's not that trusting the Lord as I did was wrong. It's just that maybe there were some steps that we should have taken too, and we didn't.

I have to live with the fact that maybe we should have done more. Yet, I don't always live with that because I also understand that regret is a powerful thing, and so at the same time I understand and accept that at the time, we thought our choices made sense and we were praying so I have to believe the Lord was guiding us.

Yet there are times when I wonder if we should have done more and have to take it to the Lord.

I know this doesn't make much sense and sorry is so long. It's hard to explain how I can have regrets and sadness and yet at the same time, I don't. It just is occasionally.

I would love to have a baby even now, but it's not gonna happen and that's o.k. Besides, at my age, I'd be alot older at the kid's graduation than you would be!

So I am sure I'm not much help. Also sorry about your m'c's, how upsetting.

They haven't suggested putting you on progesterone to help with implantation? (I thought I read that somewhere).

Beth in NC said...

Oh girl, I am 42 and I am still trusting God for the child I believe He has promised. I totally understand what you're saying.

Listen the world gives a certain type of wisdom -- then there is God's Word and what He says about your body.

If He can do it for Sarah and Elizabeth -- then nothing is impossible for someone in her 40s! I declare HEALTHY eggs, HEALTHY sperm, and a HEALTHY WOMB in the NAME OF JESUS! I declare this for both of us. We will be married 20 years in November and we still have a blessed relationship too.

We adopted our beautiful daughter. God ordained her for our family before time began. But I do believe there is one more to come.

I pray God will give you peace and wisdom as you stand on His Word and speak LIFE over your womb, LIFE over your eggs, and LIFE over your husband's sperm.

Bless you Michelle.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I'm with you. Wanda was a messenger. I think you will together find the right path..when it comes! My friend wanted another baby- badly. Then? She was ok with not, as they could not afford the $8000 vasectomy reversal fee. fast forward 3 years and she is 12 weeks pregnant with *surprise* baby! Turns out the vasectomy undid itself- 9 1/2 years later.

BTW, you are way, way too sweet! I love how you took my horrible choices and tried to be so upbeat about it! I can't imagine what you were thinking, but it sure made me smile!

Mimmy said...

Michelle, like many others I do not feel I know enough about the situation to advise, but I do know from reading your posts that you have a trememdous faith. Whatever decision you make will be for the best.

God Bless,

P.S. Love your blog.

~*Michelle*~ said...

Nancy, momstheword, Mimmy........everyone!

Thanks so much for pouring into this with me......you have shed much light on helping me make my decision. It's so difficult, isn't it? Like how do we know it's God's desire/plan and not just something we are yearning for.

momstheword, I hope you know that God had a plan with all that you went through, even when you feel you might have episodes of regret. Regret, like you said....is powerful and can be brought on by the Enemy to tell you that....see? You trusted in God and see, He didn't come through for you. But I believe that God takes what was intended for bad, and makes it good.

I am sure you have blessed lives when people witnessed your faithfulness through it all......you inspired....and I am sure you have counseled people throughout your journey. You probably gave someone one last bit of hope to trust in God that was a turning point in their life and you don't even know it.

I dunno.....it's the whole "God works in mysterious ways" deal.

oh, and yes.....I am taking the progesterone on the second half of my cycle....I did conceive a couple of months ago, but again....something must be going on with my uterine lining as it is a chemical pregnancy and my cycle starts a few days after I get the positive test(s).

Sara! BTDT with the vasectomy reversal...saving that story for another post giving God all the glory. LSS we had our three boys, Big V....meltdown, valley....reversal.....blessed with N within weeks of surgery. Tons of details and miracles along the way.

Beth...thank you SO MUCH....you are my prayer warrior sister! AMEN!

Angela said...

I'm praying sis. Don't have anything right now to give you so I will just be silent and pray ((hugs))

Denise said...

Please know I am praying for you dear one.

2Thinks said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and for your cheery comment. I enjoyed reading this graphic and humorous and heartfelt post. In fact, I will follow you, so I can read more- I like your style.

I have lived alongside a sister, who has struggled, her whole married life thus far, with infertility- I'm familiar with the emotions and God questions.

No answers. Unfortunately. Except that God loves His children and knows the desires of each heart. When I read about His character in His word, I don't see that he works to make the faithful crazy, but promises to be with them always, providing for their needs and loving them unconditionally to the day each returns to live with him forever. He instructs all to lean on Him- to press into Him in all things. He is a promise keeper.

My sister and hubby have adopted a 6 mo. old girl from Romania and a 2 and 1/2 yr. old boy from China. But they desire to have a biological child at any time God would grant it to them. Don't know if He will or won't BUT:

they choose to serve and love and praise Him- in all things- no matter....I sense you do too and for that decision- you are very wise.

I love chickens! Raised two here in the suburbs once- hatched 'em from eggs in the family room.

Heidi@2 Thinks to Share

Sandy@JesusandDark Choc said...

Hi Michelle,
Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting on my post about worms! :) Now I can see why it encouraged you! Yes you are going through a lot, and the whole chick story is pretty wild. The problem is you just never know what God is doing and His timing. I always think I need to do all I can do, but the finished result is truly up to God and His plans. I do my part and allow Him to do his part. I do pray that you can have some peace and direction over this. It's such an issue that can consume a mom's heart.

Theta Mom said...

I think when you are doing something that doesn't bring the same joy to you as it did when you started, then you need to reflect if this is really worth the time you are investing in it. I think we need to do a litle self-reflection often, to make sure we are on the right path.

~*Michelle*~ said...

Thanks again everyone...I am so blessed to have you all take the time to pour your thoughts and prayers into this with me.

Being a control freak, you can imagine how completely 100% "letting go, letting God" can be for me. But I also know that God has His hand on everything, so I have to trust in His will and decision.

With that said....I have prayed alot over these past few days, and I think I am going to stick with just doing what we are doing (no meds) and have complete 100% faith that God will bring forth what He wants for our life and family size.

How refreshing is this, Heidi
"Except that God loves His children and knows the desires of each heart. When I read about His character in His word, I don't see that he works to make the faithful crazy, but promises to be with them always, providing for their needs and loving them unconditionally to the day each returns to live with him forever. He instructs all to lean on Him- to press into Him in all things. He is a promise keeper."

@Theta Mom.....so true!

Billy Coffey said...

I feel a little out of place commenting here because I'm a guy, but I just wanted to say that I truly believe God will honor the desires of our hearts as long as those desires are for Him. And I have no doubt your desires for a child are just that.

The Things We Carried said...

I have not struggled with infertility, but I have struggled with an unanswered prayer to be the mama to a child who had none. Years and years into my prayer to adopt, I gave up, and told the Lord I accepted my husband's changing his mind about adopting and asked the Lord to remove my desire and to help me find satisfaction and gratitude where I was, with the wonderful husband I had, who simlpy changed his mind about the adoption he promised me before I agreed to marry him.

Sorry this is so long! One day, too much to tell, after we were married over twenty years and our youngest was 13, YEARS after I had quit asking to adopt, my husband asked me if I still wanted to adopt!!! A MIRACLE.

What if you become a mama to a child who has none? My recent post, Water Colored Girl is about my miracle girl who the Lord gave me in my forties, adopted when I had given up all hope. I love her with every piece of my heart. She is as much my child as any child born to me. She has taught me more about what God means when He calls us adopted than any other lesson in my whole life. I love her with a love I didn't even know was possible.
May the Lord grant the desires of your heart!

xxMeredith Teagarden

The Things We Carried said...

P.s. I belive God does use anything He wants to show us things. Whose eggs did your hen end up becoming the mama too? Just sayin' :).

Deborah Ann said...

Aw Michelle...you beautiful thing! I love your writing style, your faith in God and your precious heart.

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, but Wanda's sitting on other chicken's eggs speaks so loudly of adoption to me (notice I said 'to me.'

I don't believe God gave a mother's love only to dash it to pieces. Keep all the windows open, so something can fly in. Ok, I have no idea why I just said that. God, hello? Hehe...

Saw your 'hippie' blog. I've been trying to start up a line of hippie greeting cards, playing around with the idea. If that grabs you, let me know. I just feel such a connection here.

You are so blessed and loved!

Rick and Monique Elgersma said...

We've tried for many years--doctors have no real reason to give us why we can't be pregnant. My wife always wanted to be a mother and that has always been on her heart. None-the-less she has begun to love what she has and not what she wants and that's making for a most interesting life, which is what God really wanted for her in the first place, children or not.

Kristina P. said...

I like the other responses. I think that this is really a personal decision.

I will say that I am a big proponent of adoption. I was a caseworker for DCFS for several years, and I believe that there are so many kids that need loving homes.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Sassy Granny ... said...

What a crack up! I wish I had some sage advice, if not godly wisdom here, but fertility matters have long gone rusty on this 61 year old granny!

I went through a period in my late 30s, when my three children were all but grown, when I thought having another baby was a fabulous idea. Hubby wasn't convinced so, needless to say, my dream did not become a reality.

However, my mother was 42 and my dad 46 when they added me, #4, to the family. They went to their graves saying it was, I was, God's greatest gift (and sense of humor) to them.

Blessings as you decide. If nothing else, you'll have fun trying. :)


LisaShaw said...

Thanks for your visit to my blog recently. I came over to meet you and I look forward to my return.

Blessings and peace!

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

WOW! I poped over to say thanks for stopping by for OW and get swept away into your museing...

I am afraind Have have little to contribut as both myself and the hubs have been well past the childbearing stage. He had the big "V" after our second child and she is now 14. So we are approaching the empty nest quickly and enjoying a new phase of our life.

Your insights, your desire to seek God's will are evident. I know God is faithful. He will provide the answer to your seeking in His timing and with clarity as He always does. When we stop and take the time to search our heart for His will instead of our own, well the waiting for the reveal is always difficult but always worth it in the long run!

No advice here, but wonderful post!


5forjesus said...

See, I must be from the south. I cracked up at that post. I struggled with infertility, but it was very short-lived 16 months. I have no clue what you are going through with all this waiting and losses. I wish I could take all the pain away for you. But I do know that we serve a loving Saviour. He is compassionate and He cares about the desires of your heart. Stay in His word daily and He will give you the peace about what to do. He does care about every little thing and He does give us little glimpes of Heaven every once in a while. I'm doing the JOY dance for Wanda...way to go girl!!! Keep those farm museings coming...I love them and I believe God has great plans for the Kingdom Kids Farm! I love you my JOY sistah!
Hugs of JOY JOY JOY!

Kathy C. said...

Michelle, I don't think you are crazy at all! As a matter of fact, I'm pretty glad that you came across my blog, because as I read your post, and came to realize that you think a lot like me ~ frightening??? LOL
This post hits VERY close to home for me, and I totally understand your pain and confusion here.

Alicia said...

Hi Michelle!!

Wow..adoption! I think that is wonderful. I'll have to go back and read your posts on that!

And thanks for the tip on the expiration dates!!! I know I'm slacking on the freezer department!!

Daveda said...

Michelle, wow! it looks like you got a great response to your questions.

I pray that the Lord would lead you into all he has for you!

Beth E. said...

Okay...I'm late coming here and commenting, but...that's how I am!

I hopped over to read your blog, and just had to leave a comment about this post. Just a couple of things I wanted to share:

My husband's mother was 43 when he was born. He's normal, and everything! ;-)

Hubby and I were married for nine years...NINE...before we had our first child. The way I see it, God's timing is perfect. So is His plan for our lives. Continue to trust in Him.


christy rose said...

I am in complete understanding of where you are in your life right now. Of course, you know that I am 43 too. And, I have a beautiful 18 month old baby boy that has brought such joy and happiness into our home. I had him when I was 41. Before that, I had two miscarriages. One was at 8 weeks, most likely from low progesterone that I was not aware of because I had not gone to the doctor until it was too late. The other one was at 6 weeks with no formed baby to be seen in the ultrasound. Then, a few months later, Jacob was conceived. I took progesterone supplements starting at 6 weeks until 13 weeks. He was a beautiful healthy baby boy.

After Jacob was born, I began to think that it was sad that he is so much younger than all of my other children. And, I thought that it might be kinda nice for him to have a brother his age to grow up with. My three older children will be in college when he turns 6. And, my Amanda will be in college when he is 9. I think it is sad that he might grow up with all of his siblings out of the home already. So, my heart began to long to have another baby a couple of months after he was born. I was extremely thrilled when I found out that I was pregnant again about 4 months ago. But, miscarried again at 6 weeks, with no baby to be seen in the ultrasound, just a gestation sac. I was definitely sad yet had so much peace at the same time. Anyway, I say all of that to say this. I am right there with you in desiring to have another baby. Sometimes, I think I must be crazy too. I have 5 beautiful healthy children. Why do I need to have more. But, I have asked God to take away this desire from me or fulfill it. Sometimes, I feel like I would be just fine with the children that I have and enjoy them for a lifetime and other times that overwhelming desire to bring another baby into our family rises up Big Time! Even my older kids sometimes say "mom, I think you should have another baby for Jacob." I have never thought of adopting before. But, I have read so many people's wonderful stories in the blogging world of adoptions that it does come up in my heart sometimes now. Even so, it does not take away that desire to have another baby of my own.

Anyways, I am not taking any extra measures to make babies come into our family. I am just let God and nature take its course. We will see what happens and trust God to bring to pass His perfect will for our lives. Whatever it is, God is good and I am not going to be disappointed in this life that He has already blessed me with. We both still have a lot of life to live and who knows where God is going to take us. But, He has blessed us both so much already. That is exciting in and of itself.

I read in the comments above that you are going to just let happen what happens for now and not take Clomid. I think that no matter what you decided, God's will is going to prevail. So we are both in the same boat, I guess. That is kind of exciting!! I am praying for you that God reveals Himself and His perfect will to you and directs your heart's desire in that direction too. I have been praying that for myself too.

I am so glad that you shared all of this in this post. I knew that you had a desire for another baby. But, knowing all of these details helps me to know and understand even more how to pray.

I think you are wonderful, definitely NOT crazy!!!! :)



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