“Be faithful in small things......

............... because it is in them that your strength lies” ~Mother Teresa

This is what I have been reminding my daughter of these past couple of weeks.

You see.....my little animal lover has been devastated, as we all have, about the horrific oil spill. She felt completely helpless as she clicked through the countless brutal images of all the animals affected by this tragedy......

......until we came across this website Matter of Trust. This awesome organization has a program where you can donate hair clippings as well as animal hair, fiber and fur and they turn them into valuable hair mats and "booms" (tubes) to assist in the clean up of oil spills.

They explain it this way on their site; "You shampoo, because hair collects oil. Hair is very efficient at gathering oil, skin oils off your face, oil pollution out of the air, and water, even petroleum oil spills. Hair is adsorbent (as in "clings to" unlike absorbent which is to "soak up.")
So she has been clipping all our goats and packing up the hair getting it ready to send out. We also just sheared our alpacas and are donating the majority of that fiber as well. Although we know that the few pounds of hair/fiber we are sending will probably only make a percentage of one boom.....we feel we are doing something to help out. And if we if add it to the many other people who are sending a few pounds over......we can all make a difference together.

Figured I share a few pics.....surely one will make you smile!



Here is how we "roll" when transporting our boys.(we're working on saving for a trailer, HA!) So, you gotta do what you gotta do....they actually didn't mind at all. This was when we were bringing them to get sheared.



Yeah....we do get some strange looks when people pass us on the road. Even funnier comments when we go through the drive-thru.



So yes....they didn't seem to mind the drive.....but I think they might have a problem with what they looked like after! (thankfully we don't have any mirrors in their corral) Isn't that hilarious? We decided to keep the fashionable "Ugg" thigh-high boot look along with the afro.







And here we have Ez and Nev clipping down our goats....





















oh, and while we are in farm-mode....I wanted to share that I am really getting my "midwife" skills on. A couple of nights ago.......at midnight!.....our first time mama, Margaret went into labor. Now normally, I am sleeping WAY before then.....but God has a funny way of keeping everything in line and had me out at a friend's house alot later than normal. So I happen to check on her just in time.

Well...after a half hour or so, I started to think that things were not happening the way they should with this birth process....and I started to panic. Then I started to pray.......more panic.....more praying. After calling my vet in the middle of night and knowing I was alone, I knew I had to put aside my fears and intervene. I also happened to get intouch with my neighbor and he came over. So with his help, I just had to go in and help get this little baby into her birth canal so the mama could get her out. The frightened mama still couldn't push her so we had to pull her out. So I just said to God....."OK, this is it. I need your strength to pull this off, don't leave me now!"

So after 3 hours.....we delivered a very breech.....but very beautiful little doeling.


I'd like to introduce you to little Ava. (We chose this name because you can always spell it backwards......just the way she came into this world)










Peace, love and stay barefoot~
*~Michelle~*

Gentleness....

Yesterday, I was getting ready to put together a little something as I wanted to participate in Bridget Chumbley's "One Word at a Time" blog carnival. This week's topic is gentleness.

But you know me, I am easily distracted, my brain is like a pin-ball machine and I have a hard time collecting my thoughts.

But that was not the case this time....

I got preoccupied with something. Something so beautiful and I was blessed to be part of....a gift from Above.

.....and yes.....oh, so gentle.

I helped welcome this little girl into the world

......along with her two other sisters.......

Their mama tending to each one.......ever so gently......
never shown/told what to do.....only taught from Our Great Creator.

Again.....thank you, once again, for allowing me to share the miracles that I have graciously been given in my life. I think this last picture it all up for us.......as we give Him all the Glory!

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*


......for many other stories about gentleness......pop on over to Bridget's place and be blessed.

A Great Design

So I recently talked about how crazy I think it is that many people believe that the animal kingdom was just random mutations over billions of years. Or that they only behave a certain way due to instinct or an automated response/reaction.

I wish all those people were hanging at my house over this past weekend to witness yet another display of what an Amazing Creator we serve. (well maybe not the whole weekend)

3 weeks ago, straight from our nesting boxes to our incubator......life began as soon as these eggs were surrounded with warm air. Within 25 hours the heart begins to form, by the 42nd hour.....it begins to beat. By the sixth day.....all organs and muscles......everything is pretty much formed including the little egg tooth on it's beak that it will use to enter the world. Feathers are forming by Day 8.



They were automatically turned for 18 days, then placed in a still incubator to prepare for this world. For those next three days....these little creations are turning themselves around to the only air cell pocket and absorbing the nutrients of their yolk sac that will sustain them for the exhausting journey ahead. They actually circle inside the egg, pecking tiny perforation holes to enable them to break out when the time is right. How crazy is that?!?

So here it is.....after a mere 21 days......shorter than it takes me to read a book!.....we welcome a beautiful creation of God to our world.

\

(you can see it's little friend pippin' out to the left)

Within hours.....feathers fluff out, legs strengthen and they are ready to be taken out.

And check this out: These little chicks already have all their eggs formed within; that will continue on this beautiful circle of life.


21 days.
a self containing capsule complete with
membranes to protect,
capillaries for blood flow,
tiny sacs with just enough air

but most importantly,

equipped with instructions from Above.

.......and speaking of instructions from Above, what blows my mind even more with all of this (if that can be possible)....is that God designed all of the birds to hatch their young on their own. No humidity controls, no automatic turners or thermostats. Just God's hand on all life and being the Great Designer.

Thank you for allowing me to share in my awe of The One who creates it all.......which is exactly the reason I named my blog why I did

How many are your works, O LORD!
In wisdom you made them all;
the earth is full of your creatures.
~Psalm 104:24

Peace~
*~Michelle~*

Breech of Security?

So I know I have been pretty absent for the most part in the online/blogging world. Things have just been so busy.....but very productive.....in my physical and emotional world, as well as my spiritual world.

We are at the tail end of our renovation project....finishing up painting and now only the tile flooring to do. Josh and I (well.....mostly Josh) has been doing everything ourselves with the exception of the wood stove pipe installation. To give you an idea of what we are doing, we took our 600 sq. foot double garage that was under our house, closed it all up and are turning it into a family room, homeschooling room and music area. The best part of all, is that this room will also be the place that we are going to do something exciting that God has been working on us to move ahead and do.....(more on that soon enough!). Josh works his full time job 45-50 hrs a week, so you can imagine how all our his time has been devoted to this project. Just emptying out a two car garage with 13 years worth of crap was a job in itself. I think I would rather pluck out every eyelash than do that again.

Another "project" that is moving forward is our little farm.....With two does kidding (having babies) within a month and trying to get a new barn ready to move half the herd.......we did what any other UNseasoned still wet-behind-the-ears farmers would do......

meet Reese and Cyrus:

They are 6 month old Huacaya alpacas and we just couldn't resist! Hey, some women get shopping sprees with their tax return.....some are thrilled with spa weekends.....others indulge in some jewelry. Josh spoiled *me* with these two cuddly babies and I am over the moon!

So, again.....not being a hard-core farmer.....I was very concerned when I learned that alpacas do not prefer to be in closed in barns. In fact, it can stress them out. They like three sided structures so that they are able to come and go as they please.

Now we know that I am terrified of anything happening to our animals from past horror shows, all our little guys are locked up safe every night. So when we left them out the first night, I had a very hard time sleeping. In fact, I tossed and turned and kept waking up to check on them (who of course were completely FINE). Yeah, like 2 and 5 o'clock in the middle of the night.....they probably thought, "are you kidding us lady, are you really going to keep shining that flashlight in our face all hours of the night?"

So the next night, I decided that I needed a decent night's sleep if I was to continue to keep up a house, homeschool and be as conscious and alert as a person needs to be to survive in life. I also know that luggage bags under my eyes are not very attractive. I decided to pull out the big guns and utilize a new security system for our new little members. We had Mufasa, our Rottweiler, sleep outside to patrol and keep an eye on things.

I felt like I was wrapped in the ultimate security blanket and slept like a rock that night.

Isn't it funny how having that sense of security can do a 180 for you? There are so many "security blankets" we have/need in life. We feel comforted when we punch in that code on the control pad of our security system before bed. We buy different kinds of insurance policies to "protect" ourselves and our loved ones. We employ security guards, we need secure jobs.....we even put protection on our computers to keep out dangerous invasions/threats. Social Security was originally proposed to limit what were seen as dangers in the modern American life, including old age, poverty, unemployment, and the burdens of widows and fatherless children (according to Wikipedia)

We need to have security in our minds and hearts. And there is a 100% Ultimate Security Protection Plan that is completely free. This plan includes 24/7 surveillance, alarm systems of impending danger(s), and total protection. It has a lightening speed response system, all you need to do is ask for help (it will even help when you don't ask).

yeah,.....it's God.

We have God who protects the most precious "gifts" of all.......gifts that come from Him in the first place.....peace, joy and comfort. He promises us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper.

So why is it.....that sometimes......during trials in my life, do I not realize that I have this Fort Knox style protection of my heart, my mind......my life? Why is it that when the enemy.....the THIEF........ is trying to sneak into "my space" and rob me of all of these precious gifts from Above....do I not just activate this security system? Why is it that I try to suit up with my own worldly gear and pick up my own artillery rather than simply slip on the Armor of God?

Today I pray that I continue to remember that I have protection by The One who is higher than any force or power in the universe. No matter what I facing, God is my shelter. He is my refuge from trouble and my fortress that protects me from any attack (spiritually, emotionally and physically). His protection is never-ending and covers my whole family because we all His children. He is our Good Shepherd and will always take good care of His sheep.

I have had these thoughts on my mind for the past few days, but with my hectic schedule, I just haven't gotten chance to really sit here and write (which is when I feel I am having my time with The Holy Spirit because most of the time, I look back at some posts and wonder....wow, that is pretty good, who wrote that?!?!).

But this morning, I woke up to this encouraging word email from K-Love (a daily Scripture/devotional) and took it as a message that God really wanted me to take the time and pour it out. I am guessing that I am not the only one who needed to understand and remember His awesome protection and love for us.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid? ~Psalm 27:1

Oh, and one last thing.....(sounding like an "as seen on TV" commercial).....if you act NOW whenever you just ask.....His Security system package deal also comes with bonus features such as a life time warranty of joy, hope and love.

Hope this finds you smiling......

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

Proverbs 12:10

So I am still plugging away, digging deep.....searching with The Proverbs 31 Day Challenge. Each morning, these powerful chapters have opened my eyes and heart to many things. Yesterday (Proverbs 11) really spoke to me about the destruction of gossip (which I have felt convicted over before).

Last week I learned exactly what really ticks God off. (Proverbs 6:16-19) I mean, I know He is slow to anger, but the Bible uses detestable (or hate or abomination, depending on what version you are using).....either way, no matter what choice of words....we need to get this message!!!

I also finally looked up the word "folly" because, well quite honestly......I never knew exactly what it meant. After reading it, I am pretty sure the only thing that was missing was a photo of me, back in the 80s (yes, sporting the huge big hair, pink lipstick and spandex) within that definition.

So yes, there is promise and reward when we seek God's wisdom. Of course the whole Bible is the Ultimate Handbook for a full life, but I am really loving all the instruction and guidance that I learning with this daily study in Proverbs. It's got just enough "fine tuning" for me. There is no gray area.....it's all black and white. It is packed with concentrated truth. And after reading these truths....it forces you to really take a look inside and pass judgment upon yourself. ouch!

Today, while reading Proverbs 12.....I came across a Scripture that is very special to me. I have been meaning to share this with you all since Christmas. OK, let's back up.....On Christmas Eve, we have a tradition where the kids each open one present. Usually it is the present that they collectively bought for each sibling. Ezra was especially excited because he went out and bought a special gift for the whole family and was out of his mind waiting for us to open it. He chose me as the official gift opener. We all almost died laughing when we saw that it was not only a Snuggie......but The Christmas Story themed Snuggie!! Here I am in all my glory....and can I shamelessly admit that it is super warm!??! I had to send the photo to Kristina from Pulsipher Predilections who is probably one of the funniest bloggers you will ever "meet" and she is all about rockin' the Snuggie! This fabulous photo of me was featured on her Snuggie Sightings' Picture of the Week!

OK, so that is not really what I wanted to share, but I couldn't resist....

After they were done......Josh came over to me and said that he had a present for me that he wanted me to open that night. This was strange because we really never do that. He brought me in our room and handed me a letter he had written. It was filled with thanksgiving and love.....lots of beautiful mushy stuff telling me how awesome it is to be spending his life with me. Of course I was welling up......and then he spoke about how even though we have been experience our share of sadness with not being able to have anymore kids.......God has a different plan with "kids" for us. He told me that I have such a way with animals and he is so happy that I am passing it along to our children. Raising them to have that same kindness and compassion for God's creatures. Then he told me that our little farm was missing one thing.........


Isn't this gorgeous!?!?! He had this sign custom made for me!!!!!!! I really think this is the best gift I have ever gotten.....there was such thought and passion behind it all. He designed it all (even that awesome little crown!)....That is our little sweetheart Trinity (now thinking about it, how cool is that name?).

I think what means the most to me....is that Josh dug deep in Scripture to find the perfect one for me, for us.....for our farm.

"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal......."
~Proverbs 12:10

Thanks for letting me share.....

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

Variety is the Spice of Life

Today I share a typical sample of what we collect each morning from our little feathered friends. As you can see, we get a nice variety. Our Red Stars and RI Reds give us super jumbo brown eggs.....The Polish and Wyandottes produce perfect white eggs......our mixed breed bantams lay medium beige ones. Our Americauna girls will make any Dr. Seuss Fan smile with the gorgeous green eggs they lay.

Eggs play a pretty important role in our lives when you think about it. Most importantly, we, meaning me and you.....started out as an egg.

Eggs are also used in common references such as.....a brainy person is often called an egghead.

If you blurt out something that comes back to bite you in the butt......you have egg on your face.

Dealing with an overly sensitive person? You are walking on eggshells.

You never wanted to come in last in a relay race as a child, or you'd be the rotten egg.

Wanna stir up a great debate? Ask which came first, the chicken or the egg. (*I go with chicken)

OK, back to our eggs.....focus Michelle, focus!

So even though we start out with a carton of various colors, shapes and sizes of eggs here at our house, they all scramble up the same. Although they came from different breeds, when brought together.......they serve the same purpose.

Isn't that true with Christians/Followers of Christ? I am finding out, even more so with the blogging world.....that although we all come from different "breeds" and backgrounds, we all are called for the same purpose. We are called to yield the same fruit/seed.

Another side note.....(I promise to tie it all together) When we went to the concert this past weekend....this concept rang true as well (as did my ears). It reminded me of a mini version of The Soulfest. The line-up was five bands.....all with different styles. Therefore attracting a variety of fans. There were the hardcore youth who came to see the insanely energetic Family Force 5, who were responsible for my blown-out kneecaps and ringing ears.....then David Crowder brought in a more mellow crowd. But I can assure you that in reference to DC*B, "mellow" can only describe the mesmerizing, almost hypnotic level of worship with his amazing performance.....and bringing the house down for a grand finale was the southern rock style of Third Day who brought everyone to their feet to dance and sing.

Again.....completely different styles of worship, but all with the same purpose. To glorify God, encourage others to put their faith and hope in the Only One who brings Life......to bring everyone from all walks of life and different denominations together with a common purpose.

I guess today, what I trying to say......is that I am blown away when I visit my fellow Believer's blogs and find that common thread that is woven within us and keeps us all connected. Although we all come from different denominations and maybe have slightly different interpretation of The Bible....... we believe in the same concept, Jesus Christ is The Way, The Truth.....He is Life.

I enjoy and appreciate all the variety of friends I have made through the blogging world. Some have been born and raised in Christian homes and have stayed tried and true on their path to salvation. Some of us......including me.....were not always living as we should, and only by the grace of God were saved and have found The Way. I have befriended some great encouragers who always offer such hope. Then I visit others who are so inspiring, they are born leaders......they take a stand on an issue that is dear to their heart and set out to accomplish their goals. I visit certain blogs where I know I will get my toes stepped on......but in a healthy convicting way. I have a special place in my heart for the bloggers who just keep it real and raw with their transparency. And of course I always enjoy my fun loving friends who insert just the right amount of humor to fill my daily needed dose of laughter.

So today......I want to thank you all for just being who you are. You all bring so much to my life, and I am so thankful to have "met" each and every one of you. I am thankful that God has a plan for each and everyone of us. Christy Rose passed an award onto me about adding sunshine to her day (I cannot get the image to work!!!).......so now, I am passing along this award to every person who has brightened my life and added SONshine in any way. So if you are reading this now, you've left a kind word my way or I've visited your place and done the same...... considered yourself "tagged" with my own farmgirl version of the award, let's call it the "Good Egg" award. (**yes, this is my cheeseball and corny side)

And lastly......I thank you all again for the outpouring of prayers and emails that still have been coming my way.....so keeping it consistently corny and cheeseball til the end....I'll leave you with this quote from Bernard Meltzer.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."

xox
*~Michelle~*

Are you there God? It's me....Nev

OK, so this isn't about my daughter asking about training bras or any pre-pubescent body changes....thankfully we haven't gotten there yet. (hopefully you all remember that book or I completely lost you with my first sentence. Usually that only happens by my second or third paragraph of rambling)

No, this is about my little girl who for the first time, had her first test of faith and questioned God.

It all started out this past Sunday morning. Not sure if it was a combination of a candy hangover from the night before and/or how toasty it was to stay in my flannel sheets that extra hour, but I had a hard time waking up and getting a start on the day. It was one of those mornings where there was a little frost on the ground which made it even more difficult to think about getting out of bed. But we knew we had to.....so Josh and I struck a deal. He would go out and take care of the animals, I would make breakfast and get everyone up for church. I think I scored on that deal.

So as I am starting to make coffee....the phone rings. It's Josh calling me from the barn. He says....."Uh, I think you better come out here". From many past experiences....that usually is not a good thing.

I threw on his construction boots and a sweatshirt and ran to the barn. When I flew open the door, what I saw was not pretty. One of our bunnies had a litter of six babies and they were all strewn about the cage frozen and lifeless. I was in complete shock because..... let me let you in on something. We were under the impression that Snowball was a male. And (s)he didn't even appear to be any fatter these past few weeks....not to mention, we just put her/him in a cage a while back separate from our other bunny, Hershey.

You see......we are in the habit letting all our animals, including the bunnies, be "free range". Well my neighbor came over a few weeks back and told us that although he didn't care about our chickens going over for a visit.....the bunnies were pretty much torturing his dogs. Come to find out, he trains his dogs for hunting with rabbits and it was getting a little difficult to reason with two Labradors and let them know that these were not the rabbits they have been trained to chase and catch. So when our bunnies would hang out in his driveway and the dogs were starting to shred the screens in his windows trying to get out.....he thought it might be time to let us know.

So getting back to the baby bunnies.....My first words were "Oh my God!".....Josh's first words were "How did this happen??" I didn't have time to give Josh the lowdown on reproduction...so I just gave him that look instead. You know....the one-eyebrow-raised and chin-tucked-back look.

Josh then said....."Oh man,I think they are all dead....feel them, they are frozen" And sure enough, they all were like ice cubes. As I started picking them up one by one, I couldn't figure out why Snowball didn't tend to them and/or prepare a nest.

As I was picking one up I noticed that one moved it's mouth a bit.....I screamed, "This one is still alive!". So I scooped them all up and tucked them in the pockets of my sweatshirt and ran back in the house.

I yelled down to Nev to wake up and that I needed help. She came out all groggy.....her hair looked like a rat's nest and her eyes were barely open. I told her to get the heat lamp quick....she took one look at these little creatures that resembled naked mole rats and dashed off to find the lamp. As she is scrambling she is asking what they were. I told her that Snowball had these babies and we are trying to save them. She brings over the lamp, her eyes are now as big as saucers and says...."But I thought that Snowball was a boy".

"Yeah, you and me both" I replied.

We started our best efforts at bunny CPR and got three to start breathing on their own. The other three didn't stand a chance. After about 5 minutes, one of the three just couldn't keep up with breathing and passed as well.

So we had two alive. Now we had to figure out how to keep them alive. Baby bunnies do not thrive well without their mom. Even though we researched and found out that mama bunnies are not like chickens and sit on their young.....they make a nest, leave the babies to keep each other warm and only feed them once a day. Sounds like someone should call the Dept. for Child Protection if you ask me.

We grabbed one of our many critter cages and made the most comfy warm nest we could and laid them in it. Of course I had nothing in the house to feed them.....I had since tossed the kitten replacement formula from our last rescue mission with those baby rats. (which coincidentally was around Nov. 1st of last year.......hmmmmmmm)

We got them settled in and needed to finish getting ready for church. Nev wanted to bring them but I told her that it was way too cold outside for them to stay in the car. Apparently she wanted to bring them into church and her class.......possibly an altar call for healing? I convinced her that God would keep an eye on them when we were gone and that after church we would take a trip to Tractor Supply (my version of a being a kid in a toy store) and grab some formula for them. Heck, if the mom only feeds them once a day as newborns.....surely they can wait a few hours.

We came back from church and got them started on their milk. I have to tell you that my little girl is like Elly May Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies. Seriously.....you'll never see her out in the yard without a chicken tucked under her arm or some critter following her around. She is just a natural at taking care of animals and they sense it.

She jumped right into heating up the milk and feeding them with a syringe. Then she tossed a few hand towels in the dryer to warm them up and then wrapped them with their full bellies. It was looking pretty good for these two little guys. (or gals....like I have any clue!)

She did the night-time feeding and tucked them into bed that night.

When I woke up Monday morning....I went to check on them. I saw one out of the blanket nest and it was on it's back. I picked it up and it was ice cold. I tried to rub it to see if I could give it a little "heart jump start" but it remain lifeless. Unfortunately, it must have wandered out and couldn't find it's way back to the other one and got too cold. The other little one was curled up nice and warm, thankfully!

I had to break the news to Nev when she woke up. Another thing I have to tell you about Nev is that growing up on a little farm teaches more than responsibility for children. It also teaches some hard lessons about life (and the circle of it). I am also thankful that she doesn't equate death with saying goodbye forever. She always talks of seeing all her pets/friends in Heaven and how they are happy and healthy there.

But this time, she had this confused look....she said "I don't get it. Before I went to bed, I prayed to God. I thanked Him for sending us these bunnies. I told Him that I understood that some had to go right back to Heaven to be with Him.....and I prayed that He would keep the two we had safe and healthy. Why would He do this? Maybe He wasn't listening to me."

*gulp*

I tried to explain....as best as I could.....that even when we pray for certain things, sometimes God has different plans. It doesn't mean that He is not listening or does not want us to be happy. We just have to trust that He has a plan and purpose for everything, even when we don't understand and/or are disappointed.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. ~Isaiah 55:8

Of course....this convicted me. Sometimes...well OK...MOST of the time....my prayers can be like "prescription" prayers where I act as if God is going to "fill it" exactly as it is ordered. The true test is still believing, praying and trusting in Him even when He doesn't "fill" those prayers.

My heart leaped when Nev passed this test. After I explained it all, as best as I could, she sat there for a minute, holding our last little bunny in her hand. She held it close to her own nose and stared at it's little face......"Well I guess God wants it to be just me and you, little guy.....let's go have some breakfast"

I pray that I may be more like Nev......accepting God's will for me and my life, no matter if the circumstances are not always what I want/pray for them to be. Give me that child-like faith that releases me from the bondage of doubt and disappointment.

I will leave you with this prayer/poem I found. It was written by Claudia Minden Weisz (a mom of a Rett Syndrome child)

And God Said No

I asked God to take away my pride. And God said "No".
He said it was not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. And God said "No".
He said her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. And God said "No".
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. And God said "No".
He said He gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain. And God said "No".
He said suffering draws me apart from worldly cares and brings me closer to Him.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. And God said "No".
He said I must grow on my own. But He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. And God said "No".
He said He will give me life, that I may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
And God said "Ah, finally you have the idea!"

Peace and love~
*~Michelle~*

***EDITED TO ADD: At 7:30 tonight we discovered that our last little bunny passed away and is joining it's siblings in Heaven. Nev is heartbroken as you can imagine. We just said a prayer as she held him crying about how we did our best to keep it alive, but it just wasn't enough. I reminded her that God was very proud of her for the way she loves animals and always is there to care for them. If you have a moment.....please say a little prayer for Nev.

Stubborn or Determined.....Hopeless or Hopeful?

*please note that God has interrupted this posting...
or at least I think it is Him*

So no creative way to open up this discussion.......so you know me.......I am just gonna throw it out here and ask for your advice, prayers, and whatever else you feel on your heart to share with me. And if you are a guy and talking about girlie cycle stuff makes you uncomfortable or if you get easily offended by TMI (too much information)....you might want to skip this.

Here is the dealio.

Just the facts ma'am:

It's no shocking news or secret that I would love to add another baby to our family.

We've talked about adoption, but usually that is in reference to when our children are a little older.

We have been "going with the flow" for the past two to three years "trying but not trying".......really kinda sorta "trying" the past year. Biological clock sounds like Big Ben.

Have conceived about 6-7 times in the past 2.5 years.....never made it past the 6 week mark.

All my bloodwork/initial testing shows that I am still in "good/decent fertility" zone as far as cycles, ovarian reserve, I am still ovulating regularly, etc. even at my age....which is 43. (YIKES!! when did *that* happen??!?!?) She explained that of course my age does play a factor as well as egg quality, sperm quality, uterine quality blah blah blah..... but also that 15% of infertility/losses/etc are unexplained.

We have never gone on to further testing as we have no infertility coverage.

We have given this up to God these past few years and know that it is His will. He does not care about age-related statistics and is completely capable of creating life whenever and with who's ever womb, ykwim?

Even after almost 20 years, Josh and I have a very healthy relationship (if you get my drift) and it is only getting better. Reason I am sharing that lovely information, is to confirm that we def. cover all fertile days....and then some. So yeah, after all these years of charting, temping, planning.....I know my body, I know the signs and I know when it's good baby making times.

With that said....I spoke to my doc about the possibility of getting a little boost/help. She suggested I might try Clomid and also sent me for another bit of testing this weekend. So I'll find out later today if I still have a few eggs to salvage or that they are all pretty much rotten at this point. Ya gotta know I will always add some humor.....that's how I roll. I tell Josh his sperm are swimming in circles dazed and confused.....he tells me I have dried up rotten eggs.

The struggle I find myself is this.....am I being stubborn/stupid by hanging on to what, I believe, is something that God has placed on my heart all these years? When is enough enough? When should I "let it go" and move on? Some friends have said that maybe the losses are God's way of telling me it's time to let go, it is not "working". But then I wonder, why would I conceive in the first place only to have to say good-bye so quickly? I know/believe that one reason God allows these things to happen is so that I can have compassion for others who are going through the same struggles....but OK God, I got that after loss #1 and #2.

Am I just one of those hopeless people who just lives in my own faith-filled bubble? No, I don't think I believe that anyone who puts their faith into Jesus Christ could ever have 'hopeless' as an adjective.....He is hope.

Is considering "help" taking it away from leaving God in control? Ack....I am so confused. I know ultimately God is The One who creates life...and I believe that God has His hand on every life that is conceived whether it was planned, not planned, prayed for, etc. Some couples go with fertility treatments and conceive.....others go through painful years and never do. Others conceive and then are faced with tragic losses......ultimately God is in control from the beginning to the end. He is the Author of all life.

If anyone is familiar with infertility, I would love your opinion. I have read that Clomid can actually not work with women over 40 due to the thinning of the uterine lining which naturally occurs as you age (preventing proper implantation which actually looks like it might be the case with me) so the Clomid might present more of a roadblock. Our problem isn't conceiving.....it's the "sticking" part. But then, why would my doc suggest to try it? You see? Conflicting!

Edited to add: I also feel the need to add that this is not at the level of consuming me like it did a year or so ago...with each month passing, it is easier to accept and I know that it's only by digging deep with God and His grace. I used to get devastated and angry...now it's more of just a twang of disappointment and moves me to dive deeper in prayer of thanksgiving for what I do have, rather than what I don't.

*******STOP THE PRESS********

OK if don't already think I am whacked out with my farm stories and God being involved in everything.....

But God just decided to interrupt my blogging/thoughts and you tell me if He is telling me something or please send a straitjacket in size medium.

This is just bizarre, insane and awesome.

OK, so we have an older chicken named Wanda. (we have her husband Cosmo too......if you have kids who watch Nickalodeon..... you know: Fairly Oddparents) Wanda never laid good eggs.....can you see where this is going? Her eggs always had a soft shell and eventually she stopped laying. She also is getting pretty ragged in her old age, God bless her. Most people would just toss her in a stew pot, but that is something I could never bring myself to do.

Anyway.....a few weeks ago she started to get all midlife crazy on us and started to sit on a few of the other chickens eggs. She has been sitting on them, all by herself in the chicken coop. She would not get off of them day after day and would get her feathers in a ruffle...literally.....when we tried to go near those eggs. So.....feeling her pain to have her own healthy eggs.....we decided to let her just get broody on a small amount of eggs and try to hatch them. Kinda like a surrogate chicken mama. We had no clue if they were even fertilized.

Josh told me we should just take the eggs out from underneath her before they get all smelly/rotten....but I told him that she probably just needs to feel she has a purpose and is so happy and content sitting on them, so just leave her. I am sure all the younger chickens mocked her (yeah, I am weird thinking about barnyard chattering). But this little chicken had this faith filled way about her and no-one was going to take that away from her on my farm!

S0 she has been on them.....ever so patiently and faithfully. We have been needing to bring her water and food as she would not get off them for anything. I too, started to wonder if she was just sitting on duds as we have had chickens do this before when there was no possible way of the eggs being fertile.

Guess what Josh and N just brought in...

We named this little fluffy guy, Poof. (again........Fairly Oddparents!)

So am I just a smidge away from clinically insane when I take this as a little heartwarming message from God? Am I turning into that crazy farm lady? Should I be brought to the Funny Farm? Good Lord, help me!

oh, and one last thing......As E was going to get our little baby chick habitat up and running with the heat lamp, he says "you know....we have had so much better luck with baby chicks being born naturally than with that artificial incubator". GULP.


anxiously waiting to hear your thoughts (or suggestions for a good reality check medication). You can be brutally honest.....I can take it.

*~Michelle~*

An Old Farmer's Advice

I received this in an email this week, and couldn't resist passing it along.....many Bible truths hidden within these simple words of wisdom. Hope it brings a smile to your face and maybe even makes you think a little bit. Enjoy and have a beautiful weekend! :)

An Old Farmer's Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.*

* Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.*

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.*

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.*

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.*

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.*

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.*

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.*

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.*

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.*

* Every path has a few puddles.*

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.*

* The best sermons are lived, not preached..

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.*

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.*

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.*

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.*

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.*

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.*

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.*

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.*

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.*

* Always drink upstream from the herd.*

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.*

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.*

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.*

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.*

*Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.*

* Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.*

peace, love and stay barefoot~
*~Michelle~*

A little of this, A little of that.....

Good morning!!!!!!! (or afternoon, night, whenever you are right now)

Yes, I am here and all is well.....you can call off the search parties. :) I know it's been over 5 days and I haven't posted. I just got wrapped up in this crazy thing called life and haven't gotten chance to chillax with my keyboard and have my much needed therapy session. Thanks for checking in on me with emails and FB messages. I feel so "shhhhpecial" and loved!

OK, there is no lightening bolt revelation/occurrence that I can share......so I think I will wrap up what went on these past 5 days or so in a my life.......in no particular order of importance or entertainment value.

So I tended to 26 eggs in our incubator for 21 days........tending to would include checking temperature and humidity daily (throw in my OCD and that would be hourly). It included candling them at various times. Candling in our house was basically taking a Dora the Explorer flashlight and putting it behind each egg. If the egg resembled one of those early 90's Glow-worm Toys.....it was a dud. If you saw a slight shadow or dark spot......something was happening. We had a chart that showed what stages of development these little creatures are at for each day. N put stickers on a calendar for the countdown of The Big Day.

Drumroll please.

We hatched ONE egg. I got excited when I heard a little peep coming from the incubator that morning. I thought one had hatched, but she was peeping from inside the egg. Most likely translated to "get me the heck outta here, will ya!" I have to admit, it was an amazing thing to watch. Although it felt like watching paint dry at one point.......it takes a long time for these little guys to break out.....witnessing this little life enter the world was amazing. I think I actually got choked up when the little slimeball finally rolled out.

Not sure what was a more amazing sight......the birth of the little chick.....or watching Josh during the last few minutes. He walked in the house, looking all rugged and manly in his workboots, jeans and Fox Racing tee. When he saw us gathered around the incubator, the softer "daddy" side of Josh came out. There was a flash of light and we entered into a time warp. We were brought back to one of my times in the delivery room.

He is crouched down by the incubator cheering on the chick with random shoutouts like "come on, push.....push.....push".....and....."you can do it!" He even put dibs on "calling the birth time".

I do know that he will be killing me for publicly talking about this.....but hey, I have never held back embarrassing information before......why start now?

So, we now have one little addition......who we decided to call Uno. I would show you a photo of her but my camera took an unexpected bath in the water feeder in the barn this weekend. oooops. So you are gonna have to take my word for it that she is very cute.

Oh, and we were not planning on keeping any of these chicks. Our original plan was to sell them for a mere $2 each. This would be good for the kids to learn a little entry level business sense and put the money back into their farm for feed/grain. So we were counting on at least 20 to hatch and recouping $40 or so.

Hmmmmmm, so what do you think our chances are for selling Uno for $40? Any takers?

So I don't know how to say this without hurting the rooster's feelings, but apparently he was "firing blanks". Which I hope is an acceptable way of saying he wasn't doing his job in the fertilizing department. He doesn't live on our farm and I am pretty sure he doesn't read blogs so I think I am OK to say this without it getting back to him. We "pulled the plug" on the incubator on Day 24. We gave them an extra 3 days and still nothing happened. Josh and I have a "3 day rule" we live/abide by and we had to make the call. (someday I'll share it with ya)

This brings the old "don't count your chickens before they hatch" to a new level of perspective, huh?

OK, onto other tidbits of info.

I have been searching for $22 that I know I had in my pocket on Sat that has now slipped into the Black Hole. $22 to me might as well be $2200, so I am really annoyed that I cannot find it. It was with my debit card when I walked into Tractor Supply......I was determined to keep my total bill under $22, but based on prior trips to this farmer's Wonderland.....I tucked the debit card in my pocket to avoid the embarrassment of asking them to put half my order back. I distinctly remember putting those bills back in my pocket when I saw $47 come up on the cashier's screen.

It is now MIA. If anyone happens to find $22 curled up in a ball, I believe the serial numbers had a 3 and a 6......so that would be mine, thankyouverymuch.

More random stuff:

Last night, I had dreams that involved high school reunions,baby chicks that got trampled by bigger chickens and hot air balloons. I don't think that even Joseph from The Bible could interpret those dreams. Anyone want to take a stab at it?

I guess I shouldn't have eaten those clam cakes so soon before bed last night.

Speaking of clam cakes......we went to the beach last night with E and N. Yeah, we were living life on the crazy edgy side and being the wild bunch that we are, we went at night. We love taking a trip down to hang out on the piers and watch the boats come in. It is only about an hour away although it felt like a 10 hour road trip day trip based on the way the kids complained on how long it was taking. I felt the need to snap them out of whining explain to them that so many people have never even seen the ocean and how lucky we are to have it so close.

(*insert light bulb above my head*)

What did I just say? It was only then, that it occurred to me that I have always taken being so close to the ocean for granted. I guess because I have never traveled west of the East Coast states, I never realized that going to the beach isn't something that most people can just spontaneously do. So I had a gratifying moment as I stuck my toes in the sand and stuffed my face with blobs of fried dough that I *think* might have had a few microscopic pieces of clams in it. I guess it had enough pieces in it to enable them to call it a clamcake. Regardless.....it was worth the hour drive.

I discovered a few things too over the past few days.

One will def. be the demise of my now 60 Day Shred routine. Archer Farms Black Bean & Jalapeno Tortilla Chips with sour cream and black bean/corn salsa from Target. I basically ate about three pounds of it on Friday night. I cannot be held responsible if you try them and then wake up the next day swollen like the Michelin Tire Guy due to the almost fatal levels of sodium in your system. But believe me sooooooo worth it.....and you can always just drink a couple of gallons of the water to flush it all out until your next time.

I also found out that Lowes offers these great Build and Grow Workshops for kids every other Saturday morning. For FREE!! We happened to need to go to Lowes and saw all these cute little kids wearing Lowes aprons and safety goggles banging away on their projects. So we went over and they hooked N up with her own kit and she made a little wooden treasure chest. The funny thing was watching all the dads taking over after a while talking about how they were gonna go home and reinforce it with their own power tools. The kids got to take home the aprons/goggles for future workshops and they also earned a little patch for that project too. So if you have a Lowes near you and you want something fun and free to do with your kids.....check it out.

Another thing that I discovered......well I already knew this but staying on the discovery path....is that you can be funny and not need to swear or add vulgar stuff. Josh surprised me and my older boys with tickets to Jim Gaffigan for the casino's Saturday night show. He was really funny and talked about everything from Hot Pockets to what it would be like if there was reality TV in the Bible Days. He kept it clean and entertaining....and it was fun to go out with my older boys and spend some time with them.

I watched this more-than-amazing person as I was flicking through the channels Sunday morning. I usually try to catch at least one inspirational show/speaker and I was blown away by this guy, Nick Vujicic who was born without arms or legs. He is the ultimate image of the grace of God. If you have a chance.....pop over to his site Life Without Limbs and check him out!

And lastly, I feel blessed to say that I got a clean bill of health with my recent mammogram. So a *high five* for receiving that piece of good news. Praise God! And if you are at the age of getting squished yourself....make sure you make your appointment too.

OK.....this post took me approx 6 hours to complete as I have been popping on and off between 4-H meetings and tackling Mount Rushmore of laundry.....it's time to wrap it up!

I hope you are blessed with a wonderful week ahead. :)

Peace, love and stay barefoot~
*~Michelle~*