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Isaiah 40:31

So do you remember a couple of months when I rambled about that wild clematis plant growing on a little path in my yard? Well, you can click here or I can give you the cliff notes

  • I love the clematis plant.
  • I have spent hundreds of dollars on them over the past 10+ years and not one has even "took" in my garden.
  • I gave up.
  • Last summer, we found a gorgeous clematis plant/vine growing in a path in my yard.....I could see it every morning from my bathroom window.
Moral of the story: God knew the desires in my heart.......yes, He even cares about what kind of flowers I love.....and gave it to me......His timing, His way, His place.....His will.

So yesterday I found myself arranging a pity party for myself......table for one please. I am going to be honest and open, as this is my blog and if you have been popping in my world on a regular basis.......you know that I keep it real.

So let's just say that I thought I had a good chance of getting pregnant this month. Josh and I are certainly not in hard core "trying to conceive" mode......but we are leaving this up to God and seeing if He thinks adding one more blessing to our family would be fun. Most people would call me crazy, but as I mentioned before.....I'd be thrilled to be doing drivers ed and diapers at the same time. I get comments all the time about my age and blah blah blah (after a while, it sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown, yk?)......but according to my doc (who knows me inside and out, literally) and some testing she has done.....there is no reason I couldn't/shouldn't have another. She tells me that if anyone could handle a baby in their early 40s, it would be me. So after our recent loss in January......Josh and I decided to keep this issue in God's hands and see what He has planned for us. We trust fully in Him with our finances, our family, our health......our whole LIFE. period.

So without divulging TMI......let's just say we go with the flow every month. We tried "planning" and that was just wrong. Too much pressure.....too much structure. I am a free spirit, I avoid calendars and rigorous schedules as much as possible. So that didn't work for us. We actually laughed out loud after one night when we both "confessed" that it was the worst experience ever.

So, this month.....everything was timed pretty good, the planets were all lined up perfect.

nothing.

*sigh*

I know all the odds, I know the factors involved.....I know the risks with having babies at an older age (*insert Charlie Brown's teacher again)

I know all the inspiration, I know all of my blessings, I know I need to trust God's will, which I totally do......(doesn't mean I have to agree with it, LOL)

I just was let down and wanted to have some normal human feelings and be discouraged. I didn't want to count my blessings, I just wanted to stomp my feet for a bit. You know.......get it out of my system. I have had my share of losses over the past few years and I just wanted to be "pissy" if you will. I have been yearning to be pregnant for the past couple of years and now that Josh came to his senses is open to the idea...I am afraid it is too late. Not that God is wearing a biological watch or anything, lol.....but *He* might think my body is too old/tired for a baby now.

I decided that I was going to allow myself a pity party for a few hours and then be done with it. And I did.

When I am discouraged and down.....I clean and organize. So if you came to visit me......you will see that I don't get discouraged and down often. HA! I get like Martha Stewart on steroids. I start feverishly scurrying from one clutter pile to another like a mad lady, sifting and sorting through random items. The funny thing, is that I end up basically making new, more organized clutter piles because my ADD kicks in and I get overwhelmed.

Anyway......God has a funny way of being a total "buzzkill" on these pity parties.

I was organizing the bread box on top of the fridge and found a forgotten bag of what I think were English muffins. There was enough mold in this bag to make a batch of penicillin for a third world country. I went to toss it when this business card came flying out from under it. It was from our last order of Angel Food Ministries. (not sure if you know about this organization, but it is great).

The card simply had the Angel Food logo and the Scripture Isaiah 40:31 which reads:

But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

the word "wait" appeared to be in bold at first, but when I read it again......it was the same font style. God likes to tweak with our vision too.

At that moment......I felt a new sense of hope come over me. I felt like God was reminding me that He has it all under control....and knew I needed a little boost.

I started to cry as I instantly felt remorse for my selfishness. I asked God to forgive me for sounding and acting unappreciative of the blessings He has, and continues to, bring in my life. I felt like I was acting like a spoiled brat. I felt so ashamed.

We serve such a amazing God. He is so full of grace, comfort and love.....

As I went to my bathroom to wipe the boogers.....I happened to glance out my window and this caught my eye:

This picture is worth a thousand words.....


.....but you know I'll add a few more.

Not only does this show God's faithfulness.....but it also represents something else to me. As you can see, that clematis plant is growing in a huge patch of poison ivy.

Proving again to me, that God can bring beauty in ugly painful places.

So I'll leave you with a close up of this gorgeous flower......how blessed we are that God is the Ultimate Artist who shares His works with us. He cares enough about us (even when we don't deserve it) to give us beautiful creations to enjoy and used His brush and pallet of infinite colors to paint the world......for us! If you really think about it, He could have just given us (humans) a boring black & white world.


He doesn't owe us anything........we owe Him everything.


Have a wonderful weekend.....

peace, love and stay barefoot~

*~Michelle~*

15 comments:

Beth in NC said...

I can totally relate with your post. Trust me. God is never early, but just on time.

And I love the flower! What a beautiful gift.

Love,
b

amanda said...

love the post. if you would've seen me last night clean and stomping and slamming and crying around it would've been quite the show. i had to wake up shaun to ask where the torch was. to burn trash. he got mad at me and did it himself at eleven at night. needless to say we both stomped around til he went to bed at midnight or something. me. i was up til two. and still crabby. still am. is it bad i almost just locked him out of the house when he burned junk. and it was only by the grace of god in my life that i didn't at all. prayers please. :0) because you KNOW i'm praying for you my friend. one advantage to this crappy attitude i've been having is a cleaner than normal clean. lol.

Sarah Dawn said...

Thanks for leaving such a sweet comment on my blog. Hope I splashed you a bit. I'm new to this blogin' adventure, but will be following along with you. Delighted to get to know you a bit more.

Hugs for your day,
Sarah Dawn

christy rose said...

Thought I would share with you that I, at 41, had a happy healthy baby boy. I had a miscarriage a few months before that too. I love having a baby in my 40's. If I could I would have 1 more.

God will give you the desires of your heart.

Christy

Karen said...

Sometimes it does get frustrating waiting for things that are beyond your control. I know it all too well!

But it is always amazing when things turn up that remind us that the Lord is watching out for us and that he is mindful of our desires and that he hasn't forsaken us.

Beautiful post! Thank you!

Martha said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.... (sniff sniff)... what a beaaautiful post :*( I need to wipe my boogers too!!! :o)

I can most definitely relate to you, my husband wasn't ready to try for another child for the last couple of years... now that he came to his senses, well.. that's just the first hurdle to jump (er, walk) over. I am growing very impatient but your post was a gentle reminder to wait on the Lord.

(taps fingers)...

... I'm still waiting Lord! :P

Mich said...

I jumped over from another post after reading a beautiful comment you made.

You made me cry. I've been having a super duper pity party myself lately and...

my hope came in way of a song today and then in reading your post. Thank you for sharing your heart. You blessed me.

I pray God gives you the desires of your heart.

I will visit again.

Debbie Sutherland said...

Hi Michelle!
It's Deb! I read your blog often, but have been busy with my little blog!! Have about 100 readers now! I'm so excited. I just wanted to pop in and say "hi", and let you know I have not forgotten about to keep in touch, just a bit busy! E-mail me your address so I can send a picture of the girls!
Deb @ frugallivingandhavingfun@gmail.com

~*~KIMBERLY~*~ said...

Michelle... this is a wonderful post. Praise the Lord. Thank You Father God for putting Michelle in my path. May she be fully blessed with your grace and mercy. Praise the God of Heaven. In Jesus' name, amen.

Debbie Sutherland said...

Michelle, Go here to see my girls!

http://www.pleonast.com/user/Sutherlandfam

The Blonde Duck said...

I think you totally made the right choice.

Daughter of the King said...

How beautiful! I've never had luck with the clematis either. Maybe I'll try again.

:)

Mary said...

I am just reading this (I'm late...sorry). What a beautiful "story" Michelle. I am touched and proud of you, you are such a wise person and God definitely has his arms around you. LOVE.

Kendra Lee said...

Michelle - nice to 'meet' ya'! Thanks for stopping by! Love, love, love Isaiah 40:31! What a great picture of the beautiful flower growing amidst the poison ivy. Look forward to following your blog :-).

Kim said...

Love this post.

Very touching....AND true!

 

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