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Liar Liar Pants on Fire

So I have been slipping back into some insomnia issues....sometimes it's me waking up at an even more ridiculous time than I normally do. Sometimes it's waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall back asleep. I am still having issues/nightmares about predators coming after the animals of our little hobby farm, which has now grown to over 25 chickens (all different breeds/ages) and our two newest members, Willow and Boaz. Josh and I have been meticulous with making sure every coop is secure at night. During the day, they are allow to free range withing two fencing units, so I am still popping my head out there every few hours making sure everyone is OK. Did I mention I went out at 10AM one morning and I saw a fox walking toward the corral? Yeah, licking his chops, choosing which one from the buffet line he wanted that morning. Since then, we've peeled back even more brush and property from the animals and I have all the boys (and Josh) pee around the wooded area boundary. (hey, we heard it works as a good deterrent)

Anyway....it's not only that fear that keeps me up thinking/worrying......thoughts of finances, choices with the kids, personal relationships swarm in my head like a pinball machine. And with every issue and topic there is this looming negative vibe associated with it. Like the finances issue wouldn't be about what I needed to buy/pay....it would be....do I have enough to pay? \Or the decision to start homeschooling E again....it isn't being happy that we will be able to school/teach him in a more positive environment, it is more like....do you really think this is the best thing for him? Are you going to be able to do it with everything else you have going on? What if things go belly up and you need to get a job? Now what? You're gonna mess it all up by pulling him out, putting him in, pulling him out, putting him in. It almost felt like someone was poking at my chest, pushing me into a corner with the badgering. Then it would go to the "kick 'em when their down" phase. I would go over the dr. appointments we all have coming up in July. As I mentioned before, I have my yearly mammogram coming up, and yes....I've had a few instances where I needed to go back for followups. Scary, but praising God all findings were normal and/or benign. "What if this is "the one" where you find out you have cancer?" started to creep in.

Of course this was the enemy. He comes to steal in the night, his warfare starts when we are vulnerable. Five words sum it up:

The enemy is a liar.

He lies and makes you believe that things are hopeless. He lies and makes you doubt yourself and others. He lies and tells you that you need to take matters in your own hands and take over. His main goal is to lie and make you to think that God is not listening to your prayers, is not going to protect you through the storms.....even try to make you doubt His existance.

I was bound in this restless state of mind for about a half hour. I was tossing and turning.....getting more and more restless where I was sure I was going to wake up Josh. I tried everything to fall back to sleep. Got up for a drink, went to the bathroom....I even tried the old "flip open the Bible and see what verse pops up".

I am sure it will make sense later on, but my eyes fixed on Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife" Of course that sent me into wondering if my insomnia has made me crankier than normal.....hmmmm. Gonna tuck that one away for later.

Getting frustrated with flopping around like a fish outta water, I started to think about how my daughter N loves to fall asleep. In fact, she swears this is why she sleeps so well and doesn't have nightmares. She snuggles up to Josh and he twirls her hair. He also whispers to her. He tells her how proud he is of her, how she is growing up to be such a wonderful girl....how smart she is....how much he loves her. He always says that it is so important for kids to hear positive and encouraging words spoken into their heart right before they fall asleep. He often does this to me too. It's something about his soothing voice and gentle touch that sends you into La-La Land in less than 2 minutes. Too bad he couldn't bottle it up....

But then it dawned on me.....I needed to remember that My Father is always speaking those words to me, but there is just so much junk going on in my head that I am not hearing it! So I started to rebuke the enemy and His lies. I told him that I had no time for his nonsense and envisioned myself snuggling to God. I envisioned Him stroking my hair (probably getting tangled in my dready mess, but He doesn't care....in fact, He numbers every one). I focus on Him telling me that He is proud of me. He loves that I am raising my children to follow Him. He completely has faith in *me* to homeschool E as well. He reminds me that He is always protecting our children and Josh. He reminds me that if and when we face trials and struggles.....He is always with us. No weapon formed against me and my family shall ever prevail. And saving the best for last....He told me how much He loves me.

I felt His presence and an amazing peace came over me.....and the next thing I knew, it was morning.

So tonight, even if Josh falls asleep first and doesn't give my locks a twirl....I am going to make sure that when the lights go out and after I say my nightly prayer...I make sure that there is room in the bed for God to snuggle right in along side of me.

What prayers and/or thoughts do you focus on when the enemy tries to sneak in?

So I am off to go tend to all the clucking and baby goat cries that sounds like "mommmmmmm" with N. Hope this finds you all sunny, smiling and well....it has rained 38 out of 42 days here.....but there is sunshine in the forecast tomorrow! WOOT WOOT WOOT!!!



Dawn JOY JOY JOY Morrison said...

Happy Belated Birthday my special friend! Oh how I needed to hear your blog today. I've been OVERLY busy and stressed to the max the last couple weeks (must be because we haven't gotten together!!!) and gotten in a rut of worry, crankiness, and just plain stressed out. Hmmm...then I thought about my devotion time these last two weeks. It has been pitiful. Sure, I've opened my Bible, but not studied the word and meditated on it like I should be. No wonder my JOY is lacking. This morning I got up with the birds and exercised and showered then got to the computer. I've got tons of computer stuff to do today. But, you know what I'm going to do now? I'm going to go refill my coffee cup and let the Lord fill my cup from His word. Thanks my JOYful friend for putting things back in proper priority. I am SOOOO looking forward to seeing the sunshine and my dear friends tomorrow! Can't wait to see all those cute farm animals in person too. Hugs of JOY!

Kim said...

Such a good reminder.

Sometimes it is hard to hear Him, and it is easier to second guess if what you are hearing is HIM, or what you wish Him to say....

So glad the peace finally found you.

Mich said...

Hang in the girl. It can be so hard to be the "mom" trying to hold everything together...

I am terrible about wanting to do everything my way and then complaining about the results to God later. Truth is He has us in His loving care all the time, we just got to let Him worry about the details. Easier said than done.

I hope tonight you have a restful sleep.

Joye @ The Joyeful Journey said...

This was so beautiful. So heartfelt. So real. So full of the love of our Father! We've all heard the lies and entertained them for too long before. But to just sit in our Abba's arms and let him sing us to sleep---ahhh. That is truly freedom.

christy rose said...

Wow Michelle, This was so good. Yes the devil is a liar and nothing else.
I loved the illustration of your husband and daughter and you seeing yourself as the daughter and hearing your Father speak those lovely words to you. It is in the times of listening to the Truth of His intense, overwhelming, unconditional thoughts of love toward us that make us be able to trust Him. Perfect love casts out all fear and brings trust to take its place. then comes peace, then comes rest and sleep. :)
Enjoy your sleep tonight!


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