may the name of the LORD be praised."
You might look over your shoulder as you think you hear the "Twilight Zone" music in your head.
For me....after I rub out the goosebumps on my arms and wipe the paranoid look off my face....I realize it's time to look *up* as I am thinking that God is trying to get my attention somehow.
Oh, let me back this up......the subject that has been being strategically placed in my life these past few weeks has been the story of Job and/or seeing passages from the Book of Job.
And I am kinda figuring out why these past few weeks as well....
On a much less devastating level....we've been living with Job circumstances with our little farm. One of the main reasons we wanted to start our little hobby farm up was to raise the kids up with the appreciation for life, learn responsibility and nurture/care for God's creatures. And it all started out that way.....we experienced the miracle of life watching a mother hen's patience and endurance setting on her clutch of eggs, and hatching every one. We witnessed how awesome it is as God has taught all living things to naturally know to prepare for birth and tend to their young. It's all so amazing.
And then we dealt with devastation. We learned and accepted that along with the happy barnyard scenario, the truth is that there will be death as in the circle of life. In our case......this lesson is being driven down our throats......in fact, I am starting to choke.
We brought home our two new additions a couple of weeks ago......Boaz and Willow. Boaz was a little "under the weather" when we brought him home, but we just assumed it was the stress from the move, getting castrated (sorry!) and it's common for baby goats to not fair as well during these times. But they usually bounce back within a few days. Baby Bo didn't.....in fact he got worse. We were at the vet's house with him this past Sat. loading him up with medications, vitamins and antibiotics....
.....and with all our best efforts and intentions.......it wasn't enough. I found Bo this morning passed away with his sister laying right beside him. It was like she was watching over him until I got there. As soon as I walked in the stall, she got up......and I fell down to my knees in tears.
I sobbed "NO! Please No...." but he was gone. He must have died shortly before I came in as he was still warm. He just looked like he was sleeping. I pray he just fell asleep from exhaustion/weakness and entered into his eternal rest. I know he is now healthy, happy and whole.
Rest in peace sweet Boaz, you blessed our lives in the short time you were with us.
I am crying as I type as this little guy was such a sweet little creature. I knew in my heart he was sicker than "normal" sick.....but kept holding onto the thoughts that all our love and care could beat this. But that wasn't the case. He was just too weak to recoup.
How "ironic" is that right before I went out to the barn that I was reading a couple of blogs where that passage for Job (God giving and taking away) was highlighted/mentioned?
How "ironic" is that I was listening to a sermon last week from my random Lightsource list and the pastor was talking about the life (and faith) of Job?
How "ironic" that I have been seeing the word "job" ever-y-where this past week?
So obviously I am not going through the level of loss that Job experienced.....but it does feel that we have been getting stripped of things that bring us joy lately. Not only with the animals.......but stuff that gets even more "hardcore" like finances and the issues of me conceiving but not being able to sustain the pregnancies.
This is all happening while we've been trying to chase Jesus and get closer to God more and more.
So what's the deal?
Am I getting the "Job" memos so I can identify with his times of pain and loss and apply it to my life?
Am I able to still trust in God when He is quiet and never answers the “why” question?
Is this to strengthen me, "put my praise on" and continue to serve God out of love......not just for what *I* get out of it?
When we suffer these losses and have these "why?" questions when there is pain and confusion.....with no explanation from God.....do we continue to follow Him? Or is there a part of us that wants to doubt and withdraw?
Many of us get to this crossroad more times than they care to admit.
I have gone down the path without God and know that it only brings darkness, loneliness and destruction when I try to figure out things on my own. I've tried it....and I am not good at it.
.....so it is a "no brainer" that I will continue to press forward and trust in Him. But I won't say that it is hard to not feel defeated during this time and desperate to have some answers as to "why" sometimes.
But Jesus tells us to pray without ceasing.....
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
........to be continued.