Growing Pains

So a couple of days ago I had my "AHHHHHHH" moment of peace and comfort. And now I am experiencing that "AH-HAHHHHHHHHHHHH" kinda moment of discovery/enlightenment.

As I continue to try to dig deeper in my Walk........I have been setting aside my "first" moments in the early morning to read. And as I've told you all before......I am not a "good" reader. But if I find something that hooks me from the beginning.....I can stay focused enough to dive in. And my desire to know God more is what helps me to do so.

(I just finished Plan B by Pete Wilson which was AWESOME, btw!)

Anyway.... a while ago.....I found myself in the WOW factor awe mode.....and now I find myself in a new, somewhat uncomfortable place.

So I will keep it raw and honest here.........as I try to do always.

I guess I never really really really got "Christ died for our sins" the way it has been being brought to Light recently. Of course, I know what it says on the surface.......but something clicked in my head (and pierced my heart) when it was revealed to me this way:

We all have moments in our life that we are not proud of. Some more than others (shamefully raising my hand). So think about some of the events in your life that really make you cringe when you look back...some of those dishonorable events that although you might have already asked and received forgiveness (or possibly have not), they still are not moments that you like to re-live or remember. Now picture them being video-taped YouTube-style and broadcasted for all the world to see. How about posting it on your blog or Facebook for all your friends and family?

Think about the shame it would bring.
Think about the guilt.
Think about the conviction.
Think about the disgrace.

Now think about how Jesus bore the collective shame of all of us. That is how Jesus felt when He hung on that Cross.

Between his hand and the wood there was a list. A long list. A list of our mistakes: our lusts and lies and greedy moments and prodigal years. A list of our sins.
{Max Lucado~He Chose The Nails}

ouch.

Of course I "got it" for the most part up until this point......but I didn't "get it" the way I now do. When it fell on me like a load of bricks, I actually started to feel my heart race......I felt uncomfortable with those thoughts and the images in my head.

Now many of you will say.......duh, Michelle......of course this is what it meant. But again.....I will always keep it real. I never claim to know it all....or have it all together. Quite opposite, actually. I am learning day by day.....growing.

And I am experiencing growing pains with this one.